HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
Jan. 26, 2005 I don’t smile much anymore. My teeth are not presentable to the world. They’re yellow. Why? Genetics I think. My mom’s were yellow, now they’re brilliant white, that’s kind of weird. What’s up with dentists? You go through life with yellow teeth and if the time comes that you’re ready for false teeth they make them ultra- white. You look like your teeth are bigger than your mouth suddenly. It kind of looks like you have a baseball stuck your mouth. Strange. Now, you may be saying to yourself or to the computer screen, “Duh, Stan, why don’t you brush your teeth, take better care of them?” I do. My dentist says I have kind of a natural yellow tint to my teeth. It’s not all my fault (although I have missed a few appointments…thirty years worth). I’m sorry, okay? Now what? I’ve had my teeth cleaned at the dentist’s office. They’re still yellow. I’ve used Pearl Drops, Crest, Colgate, Ultra-Brite, Aqua Fresh, and pig droppings. None of them help. I’ve used whitener strips, whitener drops, smoker’s paste, and Sears Weather-Beater. Nothing works. I even tried some Home Depot Silicone Caulking, but I couldn’t get my lips apart for two weeks. However, I did lose five pounds. Yesterday, I put the top down on my Volkswagen and drove through the car wash with my mouth open, no luck. The guy tried to towel dry me, but he wasn’t my type. Man, that wind tunnel was hell on my hair.
I’ve made up my mind today. I’m
going to get one of those big white baseballs and
stuff it in my mouth. I can look like my mom
then. Can you get them without those red
threads? I think that would look strange.
|
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
