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Jan. 22, 2005 I recently moved down south after a lifetime in New England. It wasn’t a difficult decision to make…I’ve never liked the long, cold winters, and only enjoy snow between December 24th and January 1st. After that, I’m bored with it already. I love the ocean, but Long Island’s water was too chilly for my comfort, even in July. I tried (or at least, wished) each year to visit the Caribbean to perk my spirits, but some years that was unobtainable due to fiscal realities. Two years ago, our family vacationed on the Isle of Palms in South Carolina, and I felt like I had finally come home. I loved the palmetto trees, the pelicans, the dolphins. I dreamed of having a little cactus garden in my back yard. I thought the people here were almost always kind and friendly. After all, according to experts in the travel industry, Charleston is the politest city in the world. Before I headed back north I ran an informal survey, and found out that (by my estimations), 1 out of 5 Lowcountry residents were also transplants, having moved here from -more often than not - a northern location. So when I returned home after this glorious respite, I proceeded to plan the next year around making a big move, and relocating to the coastal Carolina area. Since my arrival last year, I have resolved to become a true Southern Belle. I dove into this metamorphosis, fully embracing this wonderful way of life in the most beautiful part of our country. I gave away all of my tweeds and turtlenecks and stocked up on shorts and sundresses. I exchanged my earmuffs, wooly scarves and mittens for pedicures, toe rings and ankle bracelets. I traded beef stews and clam chowder crockpot recipes for jambalaya and frogmore stew. But I did run into a few problems that I hadn’t expected. So here are my New Year’s resolutions regarding this attempt to change my deep-rooted New England attitude into sunny Lowcountry latitude: Resolution #1: Get tan. Rid self of lily-white Northern complexion. (Additional note to self: Learn local salve treatments for sunburn due to reckless sunbathing and over-eagerness. Invest in floppy straw hat, beach umbrella and lots and lots and lots of sunscreen). Resolution #2: Learn to actually like boiled peanuts, oysters and collard greens.(Additional note to self: Practice anti-gag techniques). Resolution #3: Concentrate on accent. Stop saying “youze guys” and learn to say “y’all”. (Additional note to self: Find out plural form of “y’all”. Is it “all y’all”?). Resolution #4: Continue to remind self that vanity is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. One must accept frizzy hair as One’s due when One has chosen to live in a humid, subtropical environment.(Additional note to self: Possible solution: Learn to French-braid hair?). Resolution #5: Bite tongue whenever anyone says “Hootie and the Blowfish is the greatest band in the whole world!” (Additional note to self: Keep thoughts to self that they haven’t had a hit in five years. Practice subliminal mental exercises whenever someone insists on playing “Hold My Hand” or “Let Her Cry” for the 14th time in two hours). Subliminal Mental Exercise of the Week (repeat 3x to self): Oysters really are food. Oysters are not phlegmy. Oysters really are food. Oysters are not phlegmy. Oysters really are food. Oysters are not phlegmy. Wish me luck, y'all... ------------ About the author: Susann Disbro Gilbert lives in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina, and is the author of numerous essays and articles. She most recently won the 2004 Fourteenth Amendment Essay Contest sponsored by The Moultrie News (Mt. Pleasant, SC) and will be the judge for the 2005 First Amendment contest. She is currently researching a book about her cousin, silent screen star Alice Calhoun that she will co-write with author and historian Doug Capra. Their website about Alice Calhoun can be viewed at: http://www.geocities.com/alicecalhounsilentscreenstar/welcome.html Email: susanndgilbert@comcast.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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