Things You Learn When You Have A Toddler

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Things You Learn When You Have A Toddler

By L.J. Chapman
Jan. 13, 2005

1. You will never be able to close the bathroom door between 7am and 7:30pm. If you are lucky, you can close the door between the hours of 12:30pm and 2:30pm, but don't bet on it.

2. Computer keyboards are no longer for typing. They are multi-functional toys capable of performing symphonies or just having a G.I. Joe walk across.

3. Your family room will never be clean again, so you might as well put a tent up in it.

4. The third Harry Potter movie is not that scary, until bedtime.

5. You may have put a lot of thought into naming your child, but it doesn't matter. If it's a boy his name is Spiderman, if it's a girl, her name is Dora the Explorer.

6. Uninterrupted phone calls do not exsist.

7. Play-doh is hours of fun, and hours upon hours of cleaning.

8. Pizza can be eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So can cake, chicken nuggets from McDonald's and Blue's Clue's shaped macaroni and cheese.

9. Big Bird is 4, Elmo is 3, and if you don't know this, you truly don't know everything.

10. If Blue's Clues is the thing to have, you will go out and you will buy everything Blue's Clues. Sheets, Blankets, clothes, toys, dishes. After you have spent hundreds of dollars on Blue's Clues, Bob the Builder will become the thing to have.

11. After you have spent hundreds of dollars on Bob the Builder items, including every DVD known to man, Spiderman will take over your house.

12. Cereal tastes better without milk, straight from the box and is a delicious snack anytime of day.

13. Vitamins will only be taken if you take one too.

14. There is no law in the world greater than Grandma's law. If Mommy says no, Grandma can and may overrule at anytime.

15. Why spend money on a box of crayons? They will only break, wind up in the VCR, and quickly be replaced by a 54 cent Bic pen.

16. Bath toys and bubbles are essential for a scream free bath.

17. There will be no interest in potty training or the bathroom unless you, yourself, are in the bathroom.

18. Boys look good in purple mascara and glitter, too.

19. Staircases are standing mountains of death.

20. If you place an endtable too close to a cushy chair or couch, you are asking for it to be climbed and lept off of, Evil Kenevil style.

21. There is nothing far more precious after a long day of "No, don't do that. No, stop. You're gonna get hurt. Listen." than sitting down and having a good read of Good Night Moon... 18 times.

22. Sleep is precious and a good baby-sitter is hard to find.

23. If your mother says "take this fifty-five dollars and go rest at a motel overnight", consider yourself the luckiest human being on the planet, thank your mother a thousand times, and run, don't walk for the door.

24. A thirty minute tape of cartoons is more precious than all the diamonds on the planet.

25. "Mommy" is by far the coolest word you will ever, ever hear.

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About the author L.J. Chapman: I am a mother of two kids. I run a freelance business online, called LJC Freelance Inc. I'm trying to get a novel written, but I am a mother of two.

Email: snowboarderspixiegirl8@hotmail.com

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