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Jan. 3, 2005 Dear Erica, I have many problems, thank you so much for offering advice... Being currently underemployed, I don't pay my share of Federal Income Taxes. Wealthy folks, like I used to be, are being forced to pay very high percentages of their income while I pay very little and 30-40% of filers pay nothing. Can you help me and others relieve the wealthy of this unfair burden? My favorite sports teams suck. I've been a true fan for over 40 years of the Houston Astros, Houston Oilers/Tennessee Titans, Houston Rockets, and Texas A&M Aggies with only two championships by the Rockets back in the '90s to show for it. Can you help? I'm currently in need of an athletic power forward, a signature from Carlos Beltran, a jinx on the Texas Longhorns, and a good doctor for my Titans. I want to help the tsunami victims but I have no money (see above). Do you know anyone who will relay my heartfelt condolences and hopes for a brighter future to them? I could loan them my air mattress, but I need it back before summer. I'm getting old. I can't run as fast, drink as much, or screw as long as I used to. Plus, my eyesight is bad, by hearing is worse, and I am losing muscle tone. Can you help me regain my youth? I've tried drugs, twenty- year old girls, and self-hypnosis to no avail. My heater/AC quit working. I do have 4 different units and the other 3 work, but still, this one needs to be fixed and AGAIN, I don't have much money. Do you repair AC's? If you could just get me some freon, I could get by for a few months. My dog got hit by a car and has a broken foot. I've taken her to the vet and he placed a splint on it, but she keeps chewing off the bandage. Can you help her walk? Perhaps by a "laying on of the hands" if you perform random miracles. My lovely and brilliant daughter is in love with a loser. Nice guy, and treats her well, but a loser nonetheless with no job, no goals, and no ambition. Of course, the more I point those qualities out to her, the more she likes him. Can you help me get her to see the light? Maybe you have a cute brother? I love music - complex melodies, soulful harmonies, beautiful lyrics and composing. However, real music seems to have disappeared from popular culture. I want my children to develop my same love but all they hear is angry raging rappers, vapid pop stars, and psuedo-hicks singing pop music with a twang and calling themselves "country". Only rarely does any real talent come from the music industry, it's all about image or hatred. Can you help me rid the earth of this scum and return the music industry to those who practice for years to develop real skills? Specifically, minimize the role of the singer - that skill is absolutely a dime a dozen. On any given night, in karoake bars across the country, there are thousands of people who can sing just as well as 99% of those on the radio. Instead, let's start to re-emphasize the instrumentalists, composers, and arrangers of music - that is the real talent. Help me please. You could set an example by tossing all your Eminem CDs. Finally, it seems that I am surrounded by idiots. Most I don't mind, if they have a good heart, I'm they're friend. But some idiots don't even know how stupid they are, and worse, they aren't satisfied to stew in their own drool, they believe I should follow their advice. Granted, the education system is not what it once was - a college degree is definitely easier to obtain - but a high school diploma means just as little as it always has. If I could point to one valid benefit of getting a college education, it would be the realization one acquires of their own stupidity. I am so tired of uneducated idiots that insist they know everything. I went to college for seven years and am still one of the stupidest people I know. Can you help me avoid these ignorant and misguided idiot do-gooders assaulting me with their claims of superior knowledge? Especially the religious evangelists, rap music fans, and those foreigners on the Tech Support lines. Thank you so much for offering assistance, you obviously are one of those with a good heart that I mention above. ------------ About the author: Ron Lewis is a software salesman extraordinaire, albeit habitually unemployed, with no significant accomplishments at age 47 other than two wonderfully talented children who take after their mother. All his friends note his keen insight, bad eyesight, doggedly jaded disposition, and rugged bad looks. A third person seems to recall that he talks too much. Email: grnacres@direcway.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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