HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
Jan. 3, 2005 While this subject may not be one of those subjects written by Columnist of the Year, it is a subject that I feel needs to be addressed. Why? Because it just does. Video games have been a part of pop culture since the late 1970's and it has grown into one of the top grossing industries in the world. However, like movies, books, and music, some video games are terrible; however, what can be deemed as the worst video game ever made? Of course there are lots of reasons why a video game is bad; graphics, gameplay, lack of story, etc. Of course I haven’t played all the video games ever made, but I have played a good majority of video games in my life. Some video games that I found to be horrible are some that have had great reviews. I thought Grand Theft Auto San Andreas was disappointing, and I thought that Spider-Man 2 should have received the “Worst Game of 2004" award. But can these games be considered the worst game of all time? Certainly not, they do have their good points as well. The one game that I have played that I can honestly say without a shadow of doubt is THE worst game ever made is a game titled, “Backyard Wrestling: Don’t try this at home.” Yes, I’ll say it again, THE worst game ever made is “Backyard Wrestling: Don’t try this at home.” Why is it the worst game ever made? Simple, because the controls are horrible, the story is mediocre and incompetent, is easy to beat-seriously you can beat the game in one day- and the ending down right “sucks.” Of course “Backyard Wrestling” is a wrestling game with dim-witted characters that like to wrestle with light bulbs, rakes, shovels, on top of the houses, and even at gas stations while the Insane Clown Posse’s tour bus is outside. While this was the reason why I wanted to play it, it was the quality not the quantity that was disappointing. What really irritated me the most about this game was it cost $50 and you can beat it in an hour; I remember when you bought a game and you didn’t beat it in three months, despite you playing a video game everyday of your life. If you had a life, you wouldn’t beat a game within 6 months to a year. Nowadays, you can beat a video game within 2 weeks after you bought it, which is fine with me; however, beat a game for one day? Bad game! What else makes this game horrible? Despite the horrible graphics, lack of stages, lack of story, and lack of intelligence, we also get lack of good music. Instead we get the Insane Clown Posse playing “Homie Music.” Sure, when I think of beating someone in the head with a lightbulb, I think of ICP. Then again, it’s wrestling; therefore, it’s fake, so yeah, I really do think of ICP when I think of people who want other people to beat them over the head with thumbtacks and two by four’s with rusty nails hanging out of them. While I was a fan of ICP, listening to their music over and over and over again while trying to play a game can drive you crazy enough to use the game disc as target practice for your Revolver Ocelot impersonation. Video game joke. What else do we get in the game? Beautiful women that show off bikinis. Okay, here is the sad part, the majority of these beautiful women are porn stars, and we are only getting them in bikinis? I’m not trying to be a pervert, but THAT was disappointing. That’s like a car salesman just informing you about a car rather than selling it to you, or a comedian that’s not funny. Don’t give me any talk about how the rating system wouldn’t allow that, has anyone played the “Man game?” What else is stupid about this game? The actual wrestlers who do interviews claim that what they are doing is their livelihood, they do this because it was their destiny. Wrestling around on thumb tacks is your destiny? Didn’t they have schools where these “wrestlers” were from? GED’s? Anything? I’m so sure that these guys were talking to their mothers and fathers saying “hey mom, the hell with being a Doctor, I’m gonna be a pro-wrestler and have 50 stitches in my head.” I can understand maybe doing this in the WWE, but doing this in your backyard? There is something to proud of, and being a dim- witted backyard wrestler isn’t one of them. My God, a pornstar would be a better career choice. I’m sure everyone out there has their “worst game” experience. You’re playing a game you just bought from Electronic Boutique or Wal- Mart, you bring it home, you play it, then you start to feel disappointed, then you hate it, then you use it as a cup coaster. You’re probably asking, “did you buy Backyard Wrestling?” Yes I did, and I’m glad I bought it where they could exchange it for another game, because the next day I exchanged it for “MLB 2004.” I was glad to be rid of it. To sum up getting rid of Backyard Wrestling, it’s equivalent in defecating when your stomach hurts. It can also be equivalent in saying that “Backyard Wrestling” is the stain on the underwear of all video games. I remember laughing seeing that a “Backyard Wrestling 2" was made. I thought, “Damn, the first one should have told you something.” Come to realize, by reading reviews, that BYW2 is worse than the first one, so perhaps the sequel to the worse game ever made is now THE worse game ever made. Way to go, Eidos! ------------ About the author Eric Schomburg: Useless-Knowledge Columnist of the year 2004. An Apocalyptic Dream is now out for purchase. Check out both books at http://www.geocities.com/schomburg2002. Email: schomburg2002@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
