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Feb. 27, 2005 There's a sucker born every minute and 250,00 of them have purchased a Japanese invention dubbed "The Dog Translator" -- at $120 a pop. It's a remarkably simple device. A radio microphone attaches to your pooche's collar, and a hand-held receiver "translates" barks into 200 different phrases. My mutt, Midnite, is not a graduate of obedience school, but he has no problem communicating with his servant. When I step into my backyard and he pounces on me and plaintively barks, he is not asking if I want to Tango. That's his ingenious way of saying, "Take me for a walk." If I plop his chow in his bowl and he sniffs at it, barks once and walks away, he is telling me, "get rid of that cheap Dollar General brand and give me some Alpo". Canines are highly intelligent creatures, but they lead simple lives unencumbered by the nuances and complexities that are the bane of human existence. I doubt than even a purebred show dog has need of 200 different phrases. Man's best friend's vocabulary consists of: Feed me, Walk me, Play with me and let me loose so I can bite the mailman. Any fool who buys a "Dog Translator" also needs to get a "Human Translator". This hand-held gizmo is an indispensable tool for the terminally dense. For example when the hottie tells the clueless clod, "I'll call you sometime", the machine will translate: "Listen loser, Sometime when hell freezes over I will call." ------------ About the author: Robert Paul Reyes is a columnist for the Lynchburg Ledger. Email: rreyes4966@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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