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Feb. 24, 2005 Being born a man-pup to a pack of wolves, I am living proof that it’s a dog-eat- dog world out there. I lived with wolves for several years, most of them ate their young, but I was the youngest so I had nothing to eat. I lived mostly off of tree bark and “Fear Factor” reruns. The bark wasn’t bad but eating cockroaches just turned me off. I really got tired of watching Duke University basketball games so I would live mostly in the cave my parents had chewed out of a boulder in Colorado. Tell me, why does Duke University have so many nationally televised games? Does the school own part of ESPN? Even an old dog can get tired of seeing boy-cub Coach K. Who’s counting? Not me, but I think I’ve seen over twenty games so far this season. This isn’t even a great year for them. I mean they’re doing okay, but not great. I’m sorry for straying off subject, back to the wolves. Why do we call female dogs bitches? Aren’t there other names out there? Why not mommy dogs? Or how about female dogs? What am I thinking, why not girl dogs? I don’t understand it. Male dogs are called what, studs, sires? We make them sound like dukes or princes. What about this spay vs. neuter thing? We spay a female dog and we neuter a male. I don’t understand it at all. You give a guy a vasectomy he’s not suddenly neutered. He is still a male. You take a woman’s ovaries; she is still a female, but not dogs. You take away a dog’s reproduction organs and they’ve been desexed. They aren’t anything any longer. They’re just dogs. Hence, their names become unisexed, e.g., Spot, Brownie, Booger, P.J., D.J., and A.J. I had a friend whose dog was named She until they got her spayed. Now they call her It. They sound like a bunch of hearing impaired Schizoids at dinnertime for It. All you can here is, “Here It. Here It. Here It.” Of course, we can hear it. Get out of here already. I’m tired of hearing about it.
Thanks for reading, but I’ve got to go.
My master just opened the door and whistled. I
think it’s my last pee-call for the night. I
hate it. I just had a big gulp out of the
toilet stool (freshest water in the house) and I
know the old man is going to be honked off
tonight when I wake him up to go out again. He
calls me names that aren’t even desexed. In
fact, they’re not even repeatable.
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