HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
Feb. 22, 2005 Sometimes, being a good husband is very hard. When I first married my sweetheart, it seemed so easy being her husband. Now, years down the rode I find that when it should be getting easier, it seems to be harder to fill that role adequately. I trully believed I understood what made her tick. As newly-weds, I seemed to say the right thing at the right time in the right place! We seemed to have something to talk about until two or three every morning. Ok, it made the next day at work somewhat tiring, but I never seemed to mind. The sun of love shone on us and we never notice time marching on! The first thunderstorm caught me by surprise but I found shelter in good thinking, solid logic and plenty of hugs and kisses. A tiny shadow followed me around but it paled in the bright sunshine of love. Afterall, we had promised until death us do part and that was still years into the future. I guess I never noticed when the weather turned grey and clouds covered the sun of our love. It happened very gradually, a shade at a time. But the time came when I noticed the darkness and looked for the sun. Miscommunication, expectations unfulfilled, hearing clouded by internal filtering, all darkened our love. Now each day I carry an umbrella! How did I get here? I told her often I loved her, sent cards and flowers, well not as often as I wanted but more than many other men I know. I still hugged her, kissed her, yet something was terribly different! It took me many months and years to figure out what went wrong, why the sun stopped shining one day. Her needs changed. She never told me and I never anticipated them changing. I kept steadfast on the path "before" while she walked on the path "different". She began to feel unfulfilled as did I. For the first time in years, anger soiled our love and regrets began to form. I tried harder, but fell lower. We watch many movies now as talking dried up so quickly. Previously,criticism, positively given, would spur us on to new horizons or stretch our emotional connection. Now, it hurts and wounds us. Our words seem so personal, as if we intentionally want to cause gaping emotional wounds. Yet I know this is not so, but why are the words so easy to say now? Physical affection reduced to a trickle and then like a small river in dry season, it dried up entirely. My thoughts so easily turn to others and they begin to reach into my heart where once, only my lover could enter. I imagine what if... How di I get here? I don't want to be here and yet, as I survey my surroundings, I don't like what I see or where I am at all! I shone a torch into the darkness today. I shared my burden with a real friend and he enabled me to see a tiny flicker of light, and life. I am beggining to understand how my wife has changed and am slowly no longer seeing it as a threat to my security or self esteem, but rather as a new species of exotic flower that has just been discovered! The sun peeked out from behind the clouds for the first time in years. It didn't last long, but it did shine! I am slowly discovering how to ask the right questions again so that I may uncover the right answers. I feel so vulnerable and so stupid, like a middle aged person dating again. Everything seems so unfamiliar yet I know I have walked this road before. I just hope I can find my sweetheart somewhere up ahead. Travelling the road alone is no fun! ------------ About the author: Ian Campbell is the author of the novel "The Fifth Cylinder." Ian tells us: "I love writing about issues that we as people wrestle with, both the big and small issues that can affect our lives. Looming just over the horizon are technologies that will utterly transform our communities and our lives. I love writing about how we as a society will live, love and war in that timeframe." Ian lives in Kuala Lumpur with his wife Kaz and is busy working on his second novel. Email: ianc28258@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
