This Would Beat NASCAR In The Ratings

Articles

This Would Beat NASCAR In The Ratings

By Mark Gelbart
Feb. 21, 2005

I am baffled by the high ratings of NASCAR. What is the fascination with cars driving around in circles? It's monotonous to say the least. A three hours snoreathon. If the viewer is lucky, the race might be interrupted by a wreck. Oh boy!

I have a suggestion for people who like to watch auto racing. Save electricity and turn off that television. Put a lawn chair in your car and drive to the nearest highway. Set that lawn chair up about twenty feet from the highway, sit down, and watch the cars go by. I think that would be more interesting anyway; there are many different kinds of vehicles, and the drivers aren't as good. For me it would have the exact same entertainment value.

I think the popularity of NASCAR is representative of the maturity of a significant percentage of the people in this country. They are like little boys playing in the dirt; pushing their little Matchbox cars and Hot Wheels around, while saying, "Vroom! Vroom!" It's the same mentality that supports the war in Iraq. They want to see lazer guided bombs blow up stuff. They admire the Predator drones, the missiles, the military gear, the tanks, all the "cool" stuff. Who cares if innocent Arabs get killed, while we Americans play with our toys? Brown- skinned people don't count anyway.

I have an idea for a sport that would kill NASCAR in the ratings, and no one would ever get hurt. It's a step up on the maturity scale as well. Let's have nude women wrestling leagues. I'm not referring to the fake wrestling. I mean college style NCAA rules wrestling, only with naked women. I guarantee that would top NASCAR in the ratings, especially among red neck race car watchers. Maybe they would grow up a knotch as well.

The FCC might not approve, but I say down with the FCC. They are a fascist group with no understanding of the constitution and free speech.

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About the author Mark Gelbart: My book, Talk Radio, is a black comedy about a radio talk show host who gets kidnapped and psychologically tortured by a loser. It will be published by Publish America within the next year.

Email: agelbart@aol.com

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