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Feb. 2, 2005 It came to pass (and I use that term loosely) that a cranky toilet needed to be replaced. This, you would think would be easy. Call the plumber, pick a toilet, and it is done - Right? After consulting with the local Sears Store (they don't do toilets in my area any longer), the plumbing guy recommended a highly respected local organization. I call that place, make an appointment. This very neatly dressed professional, armed with a book (you know that is trouble, when the book comes out), sat down - and we began to discuss toilets. Toilets are toilets, Right? Prior to his visit, I researched the object of my desire on the Web, and thought - yes, thought, I had gathered some good price comparisons. I mean, you can expect that when you take a car in for repair, one can expect to pay the price of the part, plus an equal amount of labor - Double the price of the part, and you have about what the total cost of the repair, plus tax. - Sounds fair, Right? I have been using American Standard toilets since my butt was trained to do so. In the many houses and apartments I have resided in, that brand toilet was always present. No one ever judged me on the toilet that sat patiently, ready to service my needs. American Standard toilets - its a toilet, Right? The plumber places the "book of toilets" in front of me. "Good, Better, Best," were the keywords he used. At the bottom of the list was American Standard - it was rated "serviceable, not reliable". Add insult to injury, one can not purchase a 3.0 gallon tank - 1.6 gallon tank, is the norm. Something about saving water. Okay. I can deal with that. I'll just flush twice, and make up the difference. We have all been there. Some times, you Need To Flush Twice! I was prepared to spend no more than $250 -$275. The cost of the toilet, parts, and installation - Right? He was a good salesman. I settled on a "TOTO" brand toilet. Cute name. Something about the Wizard of Oz, came to mind: "I'll get you, and your little dog too!" However, AMERICAN STANDARD has a firm, patriotic ring to it. Something about the name TOTO.... Oh, what the heck, my butt will not know the difference. I mean, I would not be scorned by visitors to the toilet... "You have a TOTO? Geez!!!" Right? "Okay," he said in a friendly tone, "If everything goes right - Total cost will be $323.50". My mouth dropped and my eyes became the size of steel manhole covers. "Well, okay," I thought to myself, "it was only $48.50 more than what my maximum initial approximation was." "However," he added, "there maybe additional charges of parts. I will not know until I get into the toilet." There was a man, who was really into toilets. I liked that. Then a bell, a large bell, like the size of the liberty bell - started clanging in my head. "Additional parts? What additional parts?" I said, sheepishly. "Well, like "THE FLANGE". You have a very old toilet, and the Flange may need to be replaced," he said with confidence. What the hell is a Flange? Was this like a "Finnegan Pin or a Skyhook?" Plumbing terms are like a foreign language to me. Talk transmissions, motors, gas filters, air filters, publishing, etc - and we are communicating. Flanges? "Okay, what does a Flange cost?" I said. "Oh, about $180.00." He said, with an all knowing expression. "However, if I can work it out, I can use an adjustable Flange..." He continued. "There are adjustable Flanges? How much will this set me back?" I said. "Oh, about $100.00," he said. Needless to say, I was praying for the adjustable Flange. "There is the matter of the toilet seat," he added. "Huh? The price of the toilet does not include a seat?" I was, shocked! "Okay, how much for a "run of the mill, sit down and do your business" toilet seat? "Oh, about $25.00," he said. I pondered these price up-ticks for a moment: $323.50 - A "TOTO" Toilet - Installed, $25.00 for a seat, between $100.00 & $180.00 for a Flange (whatever the hell a Flange is), and maybe about $20.00 to replace and install a Emergency Shut-Off Valve. Right? We shook hands on the deal, and he began to get into the toilet. Everything was going well. He was able to use an adjustable Flange, the new TOTO toilet and seat fit like a glove, and there was not a hitch in his gitty-up - when it came to the shut-off valve. "Err, Sir? There is a problem." I ran to the bathroom. There he sat, on the edge of the bathtub - with gloom on his face. "You appear to have too much pressure in the water lines. I will have to check the "PSI" (pounds-per-square- inch)." Now, I know I’m in trouble. While outside, he measures the PSI. "Well, it is 120 PSI. More than TWICE the acceptable limit." I was stunned! Back in the house, he pulls out the book. "Pressure Regulator - will pull the PSI down to an acceptable 55 PSI.... Let me see here... $231.20, installed." He said calmly. After reviving me with smelling salts, and advising that my 55 gallon water heater's 12 year warranty (installed by Sears, about three months ago) would be VOIDED by the high water pressure, I gave him a pissed-off, you dirty rat, where is my chainsaw? - Look. I then said, "Okay! GRRRR!!!!" To sum it all up. $747.15 for the ability to relieve necessary bodily functions, and continue to enjoy uninterrupted hot water. Hey, I got a discount by joining "The Club" to have annual plumbing inspections.... Total: $731.92 (This includes the $64.03 membership). I would write more. However, Nature is calling! Oh, TOTO?! Are you ready for me? ------------ About the author Argile Stox: Visit the website: http://mysite.verizon.net/res8nrbr/ Email: argilestox@verizon.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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