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Dec. 29, 2004 When the trees start to blooming The mem’ries start to flooding And my heart takes a trip to yesterday When we walked ‘neath the moon And our love was in bloom Now we’re two lovers drifted apart The story of a broken heart … The pain of love lost is obviously the focus of this Johnny Cash song, “Story of a Broken Heart”. Perhaps just as clear – at least to his fans – is the music star’s deep love for his wife, June Carter Cash, and his devastation at losing her in May last year to heart surgery complications. The legendary recording artist apparently died of a broken heart three months later even though official reports indicate complications of diabetes. “Can you die of a broken heart?” ponders one fan. You always hear stories about a husband and wife who were together for many, many years and then one of them dies. Stories do indeed abound of spousal grief turning deadly. Health experts say the phenomenon does take place, but majority of the bereaved do have some control over what happens to their life. Many people feel traumatized in the first few days of the death of their life partner. World appears to have crashed around them. Earth under their feet has slipped. “When your spouse dies, you lose your present tense,” says Tom Golden, author of Swallowed by a Snake. The severe shock and sorrow can be enough for the bereaved people to want to follow their companion into death or perhaps be prone to accidents since they lose focus of the everyday world. The sting of loss can have harmful health effects. They may experience shortness of breath, tightness in the throat, difficulty concentrating, hallucinations, and lack of or too much sleep and eating. A lot of it comes from stress and anxiety that happens to people after the death of their spouse. It wreaks havoc on their natural defense systems. After the initial shock, it is not uncommon for grievers to lack energy and have headaches or tension. These physical symptoms often accompany the general state of mental depression and sense of emptiness, putting the grievers at higher risk for health problems. These scenarios are of course just examples of the cost of death to some surviving spouses. Not everyone experiences them because they may have the resources necessary to channel their anguish, or they may adjust well to such a major change. Another added source of stress could be the anticipation of major changes that survivors have to make in their daily lives. Without their partner around, the day to day will never be the same again. This is when the widow or widower has to find a new meaning of “normal”. Many people do not always know how to fully and appropriately express their grief and they feel pressured by family and friends who think they should recover at a much faster pace. With good intentions, loved ones may also try to comfort mourners with phrases like: “Time will heal all wounds,” or “He/She is now in a better place.” Such words offer little comfort. Maybe the dead person is in a better place, but the living person isn’t. Nonetheless, it is only natural for the near and dear ones to want to see the griever feel better, especially if they see him or her neglecting his or her health and everyday life. For mourners who do need some help in dealing with their loss, here is some advice from the experts: 1. Accept that there is no timetable for grieving. The bereaved may wonder why it still hurts months or years after the passing of a partner, especially since people around them say things like “It’s time to move on” or “Get over it.” The mourning process is a complicated matter. The ache does not heal in linear fashion like a flesh wound – in fact, the loss is better compared to an amputation. Everyone has different ways of dealing with the pain and the best way to deal with the pressures of recovery is to either seek people who will listen, and let you grieve on your own schedule, or to let family and friends know what you need from them. “Tell them you need to talk, a hug or an open heart, not someone who will try and fix you,” says one expert. 2. Stick to the basics: Eat well, sleep well, hydrate, and exercise. Though there are no studies indicating that these activities will ease the effects of grief and prevent death, they probably will help with overall health. There may be some times when living well, or an activity associated with it could be a way to honor a fallen loved one. 3. Find a way to express your grief: Grief experts say it’s vital for the bereaved to be able to channel their pain in some way. Women tend to want to talk, connect with a loved one, or cuddle. Men, on the other hand, tend to want to do something active, like pace, punch a bag, or build something. The difference in the way men and women cope has to do with the different hormones that are released during grief, but that doesn’t mean people mourn only along gender lines. How active the widows of Sept. 11 were in calling for investigations and change! Grief being a very personal thing, everyone expresses it in one’s own typical way. 4. For family and friends: ‘Shut up and Listen’. The best way for concerned people to comfort and care for a grieving spouse is to just be there for them. You don’t have to say anything. Asking things like “What can I do” only puts the burden on the griever to try and figure out something. Instead, taking initiative and offering to do things, like doing the laundry or cooking, may help the griever. ------------ About the author: Mohinder Bhatnagar, an Indian, has experienced life in its varied colors. A compulsive writer from the age of twenty, he holds a Masters Degree in English literature. He has travelled in USA, UK and Canada. His writings have appeared in prestigious publications in India, US and Canada. Currently working as an Editor & Writer. Email: mkbhatnagar2000@yahoo.co.in Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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