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Dec. 23, 2004 I received an email the other day regarding what labels say on boxes of certain products on the market. The email was intended to be a joke, but what was funny was how these warning were really on the products. That’s what makes the jokes so funny. For example: On a Sears hairdryer there is a warning that says, “Do not use while sleeping.” You’re kidding right? That’s the only time I ever blow-dry my hair is when I’m knocked out. On a bag of Fritos it says, “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” I believe you have to purchase the bag in order to see the details inside. On a bar of Dial soap it say, “Directions: Use like regular soap.” Really? Okay, how do you use regular soap? On Swanson frozen dinners it says, “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” Why would this only be a suggestion. I guess there are some that like a steaksicle. On a tub of ice cream it is printed on the bottom of the tub, “Do not turn upside down.” Now you tell me. On a box of bread pudding it says, “Product will be hot after heating.” You don’t say? On a box of Nytol it says, “Warning: may cause drowsiness.” Why the warning? I thought that was the point of taking the pill? On a bag of Sainsbury’s peanuts it says “Warning: contains nuts.” Thanks, I think. On an American Airlines packet of nuts it says “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” This is it? I need more details. Sarcasm at it’s best. On a child’s Superman costume it says, “Wearing this does not enable you to fly.” Are you warning me or the child? This is my favorite of all time. A Swedish chainsaw the box says, “Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals.” Holy cow! Was there people actually doing this in Sweden? This always reminds me of the McDonalds case where a person sued McDonalds because there wasn’t a warning that said a cup of coffee was hot. Well, I hate to call that person stupid, but you have to be pretty damn stupid not to realize a cup of coffee is going to be hot. There are certain warnings out there that will tell you this. For example, if the coffee is smoking, it’s hot. If the cup feels warm, it’s hot. Now we need labels on everything about everything. It’s funny when the human race needs to be warned about what to do and not to do. I still remember when I saw on the back of a curling iron and it said “do not insert this in any orifice.” Wow. ------------ About the author Eric Schomburg: An Apocalyptic Dream is now out for purchase. Check out both books at http://www.geocities.com/schomburg2002. Email: schomburg2002@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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