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Dec. 9, 2004 These are quotes I have collected over the years - some from my own family, and others I have visted. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent. Hopefully, you'll get a kick out of them and have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hannakah, or Kwanza (or, to all the atheists-Happy Saturday). "You could have at least gotten Mom a card." "Alright hotshot - you put it together!" "Don't you think you've had enough to drink?" "Can't you see I'm too fat to wear these?" "Do we have to go see your mother?" "I hate kids!" "Doesn't she realize I'm too old for this?" "Mom! Uncle Jerry's asleep in the bathroom!" "I'm leaving!" "Good God, Mary! Did you have to eat the whole pie?" "I wouldn't feed this meal to the dog!" "Where's the rest of my presents?" "How come you guys always spend more on him?" "Please don't embarrass me today, George." "Will you at least come downstairs to eat?" "We can't eat yet! It's not halftime!" "Get me another beer!" "You can really hurt someone with these cookies." "I went to church last night. What good did it do me?" "I hate to say it, Marge, but he looks more like his father every year." "Mommy, when's Uncle Pervert coming?" "Make sure Robbie doesn't touch any of my toys!" "You tell us that story every year, Dad." "I said (Hiccup!) gimmee my keys!" "I told you we should've gone skiing!" "We should have gotten those kids gags instead of toys for Christmas!" "Spoiled brat! When I was a kid we couldn't even afford Christmas lights!" "You don't look like you lost 25 pounds." "Mom, please don't sit me next to Great-Grandpa. His drooling makes me sick!" "I'm sure the new year won't be any better than the old year." "Did you get a job yet, John?" "Yea, that Kevin's the black sheep of the family...but he'll be coming home from Yale for the holidays." "No, I'm not pregnant. Mike and I got engaged because we love each other!" "I swear. My New Years resolution is to quit drinking." "Can't you play another song for awhile?" "You might be bigger than me now, but I can still beat your head in!" "I'm too embarrassed to bring her home for dinner." "What time did you start drinking this morning, George?" "Are you ever going to get a woman, Jay?” "No, Mom. We're leaving the kids' drum set here for when they visit you." "The room looks so different without your husband on the sofa." "I got George to switch to Bud Light since his heart attack." "Billy hasn't been Mom's shining star since he smashed the car last week." "Another baby? Are there wedding plans yet?" "Leave Billy alone! He's the only one who got me a present this year." "Barry's drinking didn't cause the divorce. It was Jill's nagging." "I swear Mary gets fatter every year." "Bob is interested in girls. He just hasn't found the right one yet." "I'm sorry. I don't remember that year." "We should have never gotten Mom that microwave." "I don't want you shoveling the walk today, Walter. Our insurance payment is late." "Linda told me those papers were used to clean her eyeglasses. And I believe her." "Julie's not here today because she's visiting that creep up in Graterford." "Don't get me wrong, I love Missy and Sam. I just can't stand their kids." "This turkey is the store brand, isn't it?" "Get your finger out of your nose!" "I doubt you'll be thin enough to wear that by the summer." "Are you the same girlfriend who was here last Christmas?" "Shut up! Or you can sit out in the car for the rest of the day!" "I don't want to sit next to Uncle Jerry, Grandma. He fell on me last year." "No stuffing for me, thanks. I got the runs from it last year." "Yea, I'll have one for the road." "I love you too, Pumpkin. Now move! You're blocking the T.V." "Don't worry about her, she's just due for her period." "Get rid of the carolers!" "Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about." "Didn't you give him his Ritalin today?" ------------ About the author: Karyn Hughes has a fiction book published by Authorhouse entitled, Scattered Dreams, which is about a newly single mother who battles ADHD. Hughes is also looking for an agent since she has six other finished novels and one more in the works. All Hughes’ novels are related and could be part of a series. Email: Karynlilly1@comcast.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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