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Dec. 4, 2004 Clicking online is like falling down a rabbit hole. A surfer never knows what surreal site he will stumble across. On one Internet site you may ogle nubile young ladies performing erotic feats that seemingly defy the laws of physics and on another site you can peruse a grandma's collection of poetry. Www.catholicshopper.com combines the three major forces that power this country: Christianity, Kitsch and Sports. This sites peddles Jesus Junk with a sports motif. They sell "Jesus Inspirational Sports Statues." Each features the Savior engaged in one of 12 different sports, from soccer to track to gymnastics, with two children. The hockey statue shows the Almighty wearing skates. Another one has him fitted with skis to his sandals and poles. There's even a BMX biking and a Rollerblading statue, with the kids wearing protective pads and helmets. Jesus is on foot behind them, keeping a watchful eye. I'm still waiting for the "Jesus the NASCAR driver statue." It would depict Jesus as a NASCAR driver with his robe plastered with emblems advertising everything from Coors Beer to Viagra. Now that would be a Jesus that truly embodies the spirit of these great nation: faux Christianity, Kitsch, Sports and rampant consumerism. America is a Christian nation or so we are lectured by the likes of Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson. If Jesus Christ were to return to America I doubt that he would say to himself, "The Israelites of old failed to live up to my commandments and dictates but thank myself that I have finally found a nation after my own heart." An American Christian will slap a "Christian Fish" bumper sticker on his gas-guzzling SUV, put on a "Jesus First" pin on his Armani suit and curse the BeJeus at the homeless person begging on the steps of the million dollar church complex he attends. Christians love Jesus Junk and these "Jesus Inspirational Sports Statues" should be a big hit with the born-again crowd. "I didn't feed the hungry, minister to the sick, or visit the lonely in prison, but if I buy a statue of Jesus on Roller blades I will really impress my friends and family with my spirituality." Americans are obsessed with sports but I seriously doubt if Jesus gives a flying fig if the Lakers win another championship or not. It's my opinion that the gentle Savior would be happier if he were depicted as a graceful tutu- clad ballet dancer or as a nurse ministering to AIDS patient in a hospital ward. I feel dirty and cheap after my brief trip to www.catholicshopper.com. Maybe I need to make a pit stop at an adult website in order to feel good about humanity again. ------------ About the author Robert Paul Reyes: I am a columnist for the Lynchburg Ledger. Email: rreyes4966@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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