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Greta Van Susteren Goes Naked For Natalee Holloway (Satire)

By Robert Paul Reyes
Aug. 31, 2005

In a stunning and perplexing turn of events, Greta Van Susteren started hosting her show butt naked, "until the individual responsible for the disappearance of Natalee Holloway confesses to the police."

In the two weeks that Greta Van Susteren has been hosting "On The Record" in the buff, her ratings have plummeted and 1,001 Arubans have confessed to the murder of Natalee, in the hopes that Greta will put on some drawers.

In another surprising turn, the ghost of Natalee Holloway made a guest appearance on "The View." Star Jones asked Ms. Holloway, "Girl, you look great, how do you stay in such great shape?" Natalee responded, "I look great? It just feels like dead weight to me."

Natalee urged the media to "get a life" and move on to more important matters. Natalee even had some harsh words for her mom, pleading with her, "Mom, don't return to Aruba, I may be dead, but you still need to be a mother to my 16-year old brother."

Inspired by Greta, Beth Holloway Twitty is maintaining a vigil outside of Bush's ranch until the president declares a "Get Naked for Natalee Holloway Day."

President Bush issued the following press release: The day I cave in to the likes of Beth Holloway Twitty and Cindy Sheehan, is the same day you will catch me slow dancing with the Rev. Al Sharpton.

The FOX News station has done the responsible thing and axed Greta Van Susteren and replaced her with a Playboy centerfold. Since Kimmie DeLattora replaced Greta as host of "On The Record", the ratings have gone through the roof and Arubans have stopped confessing to the murder of Natalee Holloway.

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About the author: Robert Paul Reyes is a columnist for the Lynchburg Ledger and has written over 100 articles for Useless-Knowledge.com.

Email: rreyes4966@aol.com


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