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Aug. 27, 2005 For those of you that do not know me I will attempt to bring you up to speed. I am just a shmuck who started writing when I was twelve or thirteen. I was born not hatched in a city called Newark, New Jersey in 1956. My mother and father thought it would be funny to bring up a kid in the murder capital of the world, I guess. I was raised among mob like surroundings and did as they did not as they said. I was detained a few times by authorities just because of the inflewences the area had on my life. After seeing all of my friends fathers busted by the F.B.I for doing bad things as a group ( Mobster activities) I decided the life wasnt for me. I wrote comedies for stage and recordings as well as radio at that young age. I had many things to let out so I did. Many things that shouldn't have happened to a child would usually happen and to me. This is where I draw my funny from. At the age of fifteen I started doing stand up around the tri state area and done well for myself when I met another young comedian named Uncle Floyd Vivino. I worked with Florio for two years when I thought it was time to leave the show. It was seen by a cult audience as a pre Monty Python genre and that's when it hit big. Yeah, yeah when I leave they always make it big. When I was twenty-five the writing thing was doing quite well but was asked to punch up a television show which will remain nameless. I did but was not in the unions so the work was cut from the show. I started doing that kind of work for many other television programs under assumed identities and for payment would sit in backgrounds or at a table next to the stars as a sort of cameo roll. I was select voices in some cartoon shows and commercials. I also done many voice overs for loads of things to numerous to mention. Whether I was sitting in the stands as a spectator in a Seinfeld episode or having coffee at Central Perk in a Friend's episode it is all enjoyable for me. I retired from stand up in 1997 and started concentrating on my writing. I wrote for many publications and a few books also under assumed names. There is something about unions I never was fond of so I guess that's my loss. Everyday is a great day for me. I don't know what it is but something almost always happens to me that I can write about. The other day I and trust me I know I shouldn't but needed a smoke. I was suffering from the worst withdrawals of my life so I pulled into a gas station/convenience store to buy a pack. I waited on the line and was going to be next. I was shaking I needed a smoke so badly. The man in front of me pulls out a gun and says "Hand over the cash." All I thought about was if this jerk robs the place I would have to wait forever to get a smoke so I punched him in the back of the head. He turns around and starts to lift the gun towards me as I grab it and pull it away from the dude. I punch him in the mouth and he goes down. By now the police arrive and place him in custody. The sales person asks me what I wanted and I told her a pack of cigarettes. She handed then to me and said they were on the house and I ran to my car and actually smoked two at the same time. Anything can be turned into a funny story but something like that only should happen to one person in a lifetime. When I was thirteen I stopped a rape just by showing up, I witnessed a woman in labor in a phone booth and tripped a man running from the police. As the years pass these bazaar things happen more and more to me. A paratrooper landed on top of my car while I was driving to a gig. I was having lunch at the top of the world trade center the day before the tragedy happened. Many, many things happen to me everyday and this is why I write. A homeless guy walked up to me and asked me if I had a spare cigarette. I said "Nope, this pack only came with the usual twenty." He then pleaded with me to give him some change and I turned to the guy and said "Listen for once I want you guys to be honest with me. If you need money for a drink or drugs then say so." He said "I just need a few dollars for a shot. I haven't had a shot in a while." I shot him. Not really I motioned with my finger. I handed him a twenty and told him not to bother me for the rest of this year. We shook on it. He shook from the DT's and I shook from needing another cigarette. Well, this is a small part of what I am about. My books are selling well at ebookmall.com and you may see me on an episode of "House" soon. It will be the funny episode, the one where you may see me sitting in the waiting room with a broken arm. The first scene you see my right arm is broken and in the second it is my left. Take care all and wait and see; now you read about me, these funny things will happen to you also. That's the effect I have on ya. ------------ About the author: Bob D Caterino is a writer that we all either hate or love. His work can be found at http://www.ebookmall.com/ebook/163906-ebook.htm. My website: www.geocities.com/bdcaterino He hopes the death threats will stop. Its only words he uses. Laugh and lighten up will ya? Email: VitoGoomba@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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