HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
Aug. 27, 2005 On occasion when flicking through the channels I stop on Fox News for a good laugh or a good old-fashioned jaw-dropping. Some external force yesterday lead me to FNC just as the O'Reilly Factor was coming on. I cannot in good conscience say that it was divine intervention because I don't believe that any sort of deity in its right mind would support such blatant flapping and sensationalism masked as "legitimate news." What did I see? His "Talking Points Memo" of August 24, 2005 was a compiled list of what he believes makes a person an "extremist." Since O'Reilly is one of the most blatant extremists on television today, I am forced to believe that this is a joke. I hope I am correct in this belief. Thanks to Mr. O'Reilly's blog (www.billoreilly.com/blog) I have the list of "You know you are an extremist if…" classifications, and would like to share them with you: § If you think Michael Moore reports accurately... you're an extremist. § If you think the documentary "Outfoxed" tells the truth about this network... you're in the extreme zone. § If you agree with Reverends Falwell and Robertson that gays and abortionists caused God to allow 9/11... you are an extremist. § If you still think Terri Schiavo was aware of her surroundings... this extreme is for you. § If you believe an open border is good for the USA... you have entered extreme territory. § If you feel foreign terrorists have constitutional rights, and convicted child sex offenders should not serve long prison terms... say hello to the extremist label. § If you agree that Allah is okay with slaughtering civilians... you are extreme. If you admire the philosophy of the Third Reich... you are there. § If you agree with everything President Bush has done... you are an extremist. If you think everything he's done has been bad... put a big E on your forehead. § And finally, if you applaud when Barbra Streisand talks geo-politics or when a right-wing talk show host urges a nuclear strike on Iran... welcome to the wonderful world of extremism. The more I read and re-read this list, the more tempted I am to believe that this was intended as tongue-in-cheek as there is something missing: he has avoided throwing out a blatant and direct insult to Canada (although there is mention of an open border for the USA), a favorite topic of his. In a previous show he indicated to Heather Mallick, a reporter from the Toronto Globe and Mail, that he could call a boycott and quash Canada's economy, thus single-handedly shutting the country down, much like he did to France. Now that concept alone sounds to me like it is coming from an extremist-a delusional one at that. With that said, I would like to make an amendment to his extremist checklist: -If you believe that you alone can call a boycott strong enough to decimate the Canadian economy, you are an extremist. If you believe that you have already caused economic panic in France, you are an extremist and delusional. Please consult your physician and pharmacist to increase your dosage. Thank you for the laugh Bill O'Reilly. Jon Stewart you aren't, but if you try real hard, you might one day be as funny as he is. ------------ About the author: Lanners is a neophyte contributor to useless-knowledge.com who hopes the attacks will be swift and painless. She enjoys long walks on the beach, the colour blue and using the Canadian spelling of words to confuse people. She will be accepting comments, criticisms and accolades at: gorecki.lamb@gmail.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
