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Aug. 23, 2005 Useless-knowledge.com seems to be a symposium of messianics, mystics and magicians, resounding with such awe-inspiring names as MacRae, Hughes, Zieve, Stelly, Toomaloo, Waters, Barbeito, Chamberlain, Day, Kutsumitis, Mulville, Caldwell-Owen et alii. This is daunting and humiliating. Poor little Thomas Keyes, with no eternal life, no cosmic consciousness, no prophecy, and no divine communion! And in the midst of all these loud voices of thaumaturgy and telepathy, claivoyance and clairaudience, miracles and marvels. I can’t even cure a common cold, let alone raise the dead and heal lepers, casting out demons and making shriveled limbs entire. No, I’ve never withered a fig tree, or even a lowly thistle, and if I ever bade a mountain go throw itself into the sea, the mountain surely disobeyed me. I’ve never read a single mind, human or divine. I’ve never hosted angels, devils, witches, ghosts holy or unholy. I can’t foretell the future. I can’t unpuzzle the beginnings of the Universe. I can’t see or even just imagine Heaven, Purgatory, Limbo, Paradise and Hell. I must be defective. All these fine people must have senses and intelligence denied to Thomas Keyes! It’s not for lack of wanting that I cannot work miracles. I’d love to know what’s going on in other peoples’ minds, or hold discourse with celestial beings or the dead. If I’ve ever called upon my ancestors or the deities that supervise the world, they have listened with deaf ears. Never once has a voice arising from the grave called out to me with tender loving cautions and assurances. No guardian angels have ever flown above my head, making fast my foot and strong my arm. They don’t love Thomas Keyes at all! They are favoritists and nepotists, I guess, showering all their favors and their graces on an elect fraternity of blesséd ones, an aristocracy of soul and spirit. How envious I am! Perhaps among that great elite, there is a single needy messianic or mystic who will help me acquire those exalted powers. But if there is one of you out there that can reveal to me the wisdom of the ancients in clear and unequivocal instructions, please do not post an article at once. First, tell me what two words, not necessarily in the same language, I’ve written on a little piece of paper that I carry on my person. If you can do this, I’ll wire you $1000 as a gift, reward or retainer. If I were rich, I’d offer more, but I am allowing for the possibility that someone will be able to divine the words, so I can’t offer more than I can really pay. I haven’t posted the words anywhere on Internet, so if you’re a hacker, you won’t have much luck. You have to use telepathy or clairvoyance, or call upon an angel or a deity. Please tell all your friends, fellow workers and relatives about my offer, open to one and all. Simply e-mail me the two words on or before August 31, 2005, and within a day or two, I’ll have your money on the way. ------------ About the author Thomas Keyes: I have written two books: A SOJOURN IN ASIA (non-fiction) and A TALE OF UNG (fiction), neither published so far. I have studied languages for years and traveled extensively on five continents. Email: udikeyes@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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