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Aug. 22, 2005 Halloween is almost two months away. What are you dressing up as? Me? I am wearing a plastic mask of George W. Bush form-fitted to my butt. That way, if no one gives me any treats, when I walk away they will see what I really think about their trickle down candy policy. That’s right, this year rich folks are giving each other rich, lavish chocolate candy and if there’s any left, they’re going to give it to us poor kids. It’s my understanding also this year that much of our Halloween candy is being produced in South America, because of CAFTA, the prices will double unless we draft more baseball players from Venezuela. Americans will pay $3.00 per gallon for gas to drive their kids around the neighborhood to beg for expensive Venezuelan candy and pray for trickle-down chocolate. Things just aren’t going to be same. I have just learned that George W. will be dressing up as a Whopper Burger carrying a sign announcing, “Over Four Million Whoppers Told Since Election Day.” Laura will be with him to collect his trickle down chocolate. Laura will be dressed up as Condy Rice. She will be carrying a sign stating, “No Billionaire left behind.” Actually, the most popular costume expected this year is a three-person costume entitled, “who’s the dummy here?” One Halloweener must wear a Cheney mask, one must wear a Bush mask and set on Cheney’s lap, and the third one must wear a John Bolton mask and push the other two in a wheelchair. This is guaranteed to gain audience with your local conservative government officials. Please, however, do not wear these costumes into local bar rooms. I have a cousin, who is going to dress up as Osama Bin Laden, but you won’t be able to find him because he’s hiding in the house next door. Things not to wear this Halloween? Do not wear a turban or darken your skin in any way. Police will be out profiling all Halloweeners dressing in that fashion.
Good luck and trick-or-treat.
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