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Aug. 18, 2005 The Rev. Jerry Falwell, leader of the Moral Majority Coalition, has been hired as a spokesman for Pilgrim Condoms. Reporter (R): Rev. Falwell, how can you reconcile your call for a return to moral purity with your endorsement of Pilgrim Condoms? Falwell (F): For a fee of five million dollars, that I will use for the glory of God, I endorse Pilgrim products. I recite a prayer each night for the financial success and spiritual purity of their organization. Pilgrim is a stand-up organization, and I am firm in the belief, that only upright man of God will use their condoms. R: But aren't condoms used mainly by unmarried men or husbands cheating on their wives? Doesn't your endorsement of Pilgrim Condoms encourage fornication and promiscuity? F: Pilgrim Condoms are manufactured strictly for the enjoyment of Godly men, when they have sex with their wives. Its smooth ribbed latex surface enhances the pleasures of marital sex. Last night, I swallowed my blue Jesus pill, strapped on a Pilgrim, and Kimmie and I enjoyed the most glorious sex ever. R: Isn't your wife's name Macel? F: Oh goodness, the devil is twisting my tongue, of course, I meant to say "Macel". R: How many condoms do you have in your wallet? F: A Boy Scout's motto is "Be Prepared", I have a condom for every hoochie on the street. Damn that devil, there he goes bedeviling my tongue again, I meant to say "every day of the week." R: But Jerry by endorsing condoms, aren't you afraid of a backlash from your fellow Christian ministers? F: No, five million dollars means more to me than the angry words of a few jealous losers. R: Jerry, are you aware that your teen granddaughter was caught stealing Pilgrim condoms from Walgreens? F: What? I will tear her hide!! That little tart won't be able to sit down, let alone do anything else for a month. Caught stealing condoms!! Why everybody knows that only sex-addicted sinners buy condoms. OOPS, I meant to say "steal condoms". Everybody should buy Pilgrim Condoms. This interview is over!! ------------ About the author: Robert Paul Reyes is a columnist for the Lynchburg Ledger and has written over 100 articles for Useless-Knowledge.com. Email: rreyes4966@aol.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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