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Apr. 29, 2005 “Tell us about the polka-dotted beach house, Mommy.” Mom would pull a cigarette from the pack and stick it into her mouth. Her eyes would quickly scan the coffee table for her lighter—the one with the floating four-leaf clover. “You heard this story a million times,” Mom would say to my sister and me, the unlit cigarette bobbing up and down as she spoke. After lighting her cigarette, she always took a long first drag and pushed her straight, dark hair off her face. “Okay…now hand me that ashtray.” She’d put it on her lap and settle back on the couch, ready to recite, yet again, stories about her childhood vacations at the New Jersey shore. “Grandpa’s Uncle Ed and Aunt Faye lived in Wildwood, and we’d all go down there for a week every summer. They lived in a little shack right on the bay, or in it, really. It was up on stilts in the water. Grass and cattails grew up from it, making it look like soggy fields, but you couldn’t walk in it. “You could only walk on the wooden dock attached to the back of the house. You had to cross a long pier to even get to the house, which I hated because there were planks missing. Grandpa said the creature from the black lagoon lived in the water, and he threatened to feed us to it whenever we were bad.” “Tell us about Aunt Faye.” “She was a big, yucky woman who never shaved anything—her legs were almost as hairy as Daddy’s, and she smelled like a hoagie. She always sat at the picnic table in the kitchen, probably because it was the only thing she fit on. She was real bossy and made us fetch everything for her. She argued with Grandpa all week over their card games.” “Did you go to the beach?” “Some days, but the grownups hit the Manischewitz and played cards all night, so they slept all afternoon.” “Did Uncle Ed and Aunt Faye live there all the time?” We’d always ask. “Yeah, they retired down there, so they were there all year.” “Even in the winter?” “Even in the winter. Anyhow, Uncle Ed was nice and he used to set up crab traps every day off the dock out back, so we had crabs almost every night at dinner. The toilet was the old pull-chain kind. They don’t even make them anymore.” “What else did you eat down there, Ma?” “Those big red tomatoes that Grandpa bought from the roadside stand on the way down. We ate them on bread with butter for lunch every day. We brought corn on the cob, too. “Uncle Ed used to pick the cattails and lay them out to dry. At night we’d light them outside. They were good at keeping the mosquitoes off you.” “What color was the house, Mommy?” “Light blue, but Uncle Ed loved feeding the seagulls, so it was always covered in white polka dots.” “Did they have any pets?” “Just a three-legged boxer named Fred, and twelve cats. Nonna always told us to stay away from the cats because they were dirty and carried diseases.” “What happened to Fred’s leg?” “The hillbillies next door shot him, and it was too shattered to set, so he lost it.” “Did Nonna and Grandpa take you to the boardwalk?” Would be our next question. “Always. They’d still be sleeping while we’d get dressed and set our hair. Back then people dressed nice on the boardwalk.” “What did you wear, Ma?” “Petal pushers—shorts that come to your knees, and my good sandals. After we were ready, we’d try waking up our parents, but that was never easy. Grandpa would say, ‘Are my little witches ready for the boardwalk?’ and we’d say, yes, and he’s say, ‘Go make sure the big witch is up,’ and fall back asleep. This was the most nerve-wracking part of the day because we were always afraid they’d sleep through taking us, but they never did. It was almost dark when they finally got up, though. “Uncle Ed and Aunt Faye never went, so we’d pile into our station wagon and drive up to the first pier. We were allowed to get on two rides each, since there were three of us.” “What rides did you get on, Mommy?” “The roller coaster on Hunt’s Pier was my favorite. Aunt Desiree got on with me.” “What other ride did you get on? “The Hell Hole on Sportland Pier. The one that burned down a few years ago.” “What happens in the Hell Hole?” “Everyone stands against the wall in a round room. Then the room spun, and once it spun really fast, the floor dropped out and we were stuck on the wall—” “What’s that called again, Mommy?” “Centrifugal force. The spinning pinned us to the wall, so we didn’t go anywhere. You can either watch or go on the ride. The watchers all stood around up top. That’s where Nonna always stood. There was a statue of a devil holding a pitchfork right above us in the middle. I hated it—it was always looking at me. Grandpa used to say it was waiting to take me home.” “After two rides, then what?” “Grandpa gave us five pennies each for the penny candy store. Your aunts got salt-water taffies, but I always got five pieces of Bazooka Joe bubble gum.” “But you didn’t chew it, right Mommy?” “Right. Nonna said only hookers chew gum with their mouth open, so I’d stick it on the roof of my mouth and let it get soft. Then I’d suck all the juice out of it, spit it out and pop another one in my mouth. I timed it just right so I’d be on my last piece by the time we got home.” “Did Grandpa let you play games?” “Sometimes. He liked shooting the water pistols into the potty seats to fill up water balloons. Most of the time he drank beer and watched us. Nonna always got a waffle and ice cream sandwich, and she’d always let me eat the strawberry part in the middle because she didn’t like strawberry ice cream.” “What game did you play?” “Tossing rings on milk bottles. I was pretty good at Frisbee, and I ended up winning a huge purple elephant.” “How big was it, Mommy?” “It was as tall as both of you. Grandpa had to carry it on his back all the way to the car, so he made me carry both of his six-packs.” “What happened to that elephant?” “The basement in our old house got flooded and we had to throw it out.” “What else did you do on the boardwalk?” “Aunt Lenore always entered the hula-hoop contest.” “Did she ever win?” “No. She has no hips, so she could never balance the hula right.” “Did Nonna ever try?” “Twice, and even though she had plenty of hips, she didn’t win either.” “What happened when you got home?” Our favorite part of the story was coming up. “Grandpa dragged that elephant into the house and asked Aunt Faye how we were going to get it home. Aunt Faye said she didn’t know, but get it out of her kitchen. Grandpa said okay, bend over. Aunt Faye jumped up and shook her fist at Grandpa. Called him a mean drunk who couldn’t play Pinochle to save his life.” “Then what happened?” “Grandpa and Uncle Ed started laughing so hard I thought they were going to pee themselves.” “Why?” “The elastic in Aunt Faye’s underwear broke, and they fell down around her ankles.” “What kind of underwear?” “A really stretched out pair of Uncle Ed’s.” “How did you know they were Uncle Ed’s?” “It had one of those fly thingies.” Mom would just shake her head hopelessly as we’d laugh just as hard as we did the first time we heard the story. Sometimes, I even had tears running down my face. “You simpleton!” Mom would laugh and wipe my face. “You’re going to be such a cheap date someday!” NOTE: This is an excerpt from Hughes’ latest novel, “Dawn Marie” which is still in progress. It is about a young woman who travels three thousand miles from her dysfunctional childhood home, and discovers her sunnier side under the California skies. ------------ About the author: Karyn Hughes has a fiction book published by Authorhouse entitled, Scattered Dreams, which is about a newly single mother who battles ADHD. Hughes is also looking for an agent since she has six other finished novels and one more in the works. All Hughes’ novels are related and could be part of a series. Email: Karynlilly1@comcast.net Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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