HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
Apr. 25, 2005 It blinks a steady rhythm; 1-2 1-2, on and off, 1-2 1-2, now you see me now you don’t, 1-2 1-2. Starting slow with its stable beat it accelerates with impatience until its all you can see, its demand all you can hear. 1-2 1-2 1- 2 1-2 1-2. Do it! Out of defense I obey pounding on the cold keys in front of me. Thoughts become words and words become my reality, all the while I sit cloaked in fear, maimed in doubt. So much space to fill and with what? Hallow characters and endless words that result in nothing but boredom and monotony. What was I thinking? I can’t do this! There are so many far superior, vast in their knowledge, eloquent in their style. I am nothing. Too young, too naïve, too everything. Look at what I have written! Useless. Take it a word at a time. Look! A plot is beginning to form. Just keep at it. Don’t give up, don’t give in. Finish what you have started. 1-2 1-2. Air clogs in my lungs, tears gather in my eyes. 1-2 1-2. Pushing, grabbing, challenging until I can do nothing but accept. I must conclude it. I must. This is what defines me. I have nothing if I cannot do this. Suck it up! Punch it out. It’s done! Completed! I have accomplished what I never thought I could. Joy fills me to the bursting point and I shout and dance and laugh. I did it. I conquered Mt. Everest. Among the many, I have posted my flag in triumph and glee. But wait, it is still nothing, special only to me; I have to send it out. Doubt whispers; Trepidation sets; Anxiety overwhelms. Like a mother watching her child board the bus on his first day of school, I wait anxiously for its return. Ripping open the manila envelope, I greet the disappointment it inevitably brings. “I’m sorry but . .” is as far as I can read. Not accepted. It’s horrible. I knew it! The plot is weak, the characters unbelievable, the story useless. I never should have finished it. I don’t know what I’m doing. Send it back out. There are so many more. I have nothing to lose. Again and again! How much of this am I supposed to take? “I’m sorry but . .” “We regret to inform you but . . “ No more! I can’t handle this any longer. I would rather do nothing than live through this merciless denial and criticism. Personal disparagement combats with embarrassment and failure. It’s done. I am finished. What to do from here, I don’t know. But wait, white instead of manila. Thin instead of thick. My script was not returned and the words, “Please send the next fifty pages of your manuscript” are read with a blurred vision. Hope fills the void failure created. Will it get published? Is this just another farce? A teasing breeze to fan the flames? Which ever the case, I am restored. It blinks a steady rhythm; 1-2 1-2, on and off, 1-2 1-2, now you see me now you don’t, 1-2 1-2, come let’s try it again. Consider yourself dared. ------------ Email Megan Schenker: meg_schenker@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
