This is how it all began. My “friend” *Lois and me, our friendship was already strained senior year of high school when she had her boyfriend Bob. At first I thought she was too happy to hang out with me and that she needed more time with him. That wasn’t the case, if Bob didn’t like her doing certain things she won’t do it which included hanging out with me her best friend. So we didn’t hang out ever during our senior year in high school. At that point I knew our friendship was not as strong as I thought it was. Bob got her all into all sort of partying and other “stuff”, she began partying a lot and inhaling things she wasn’t supposed to. I cared but it didn’t seem like she did and I did try to talk her out of not being with Bob, but she didn’t listen because she didn’t think it was a big deal.

Graduation came and went so did summer along with our friendship. Our friendship was high and low during the summer because she did not know if she really wanted to end the relationship with Bob. I gave her my opinion to end it because it was never healthier for her in the beginning. So they broke up and we repaired what we could of our broken friendship.

Freshman year of college came just around the corner and we made promises to keep in touch and to inform each other of “exciting” things that will be happening to us.

All I know is that I kept up my end of the promise and she didn’t because when she went away to school she met Bob #2. This Bob was different, if he was to tell Lois to do something Lois wouldn’t say no, she’d do it in a heartbeat and not rethink. I don’t think she wanted to lose him like she did to Bob #1, but then I thought, “So she’s willing to lose me?” I do not think it was an excuse for her to not be my friend just because Bob #2 didn’t like her talking to me. It was her final decision to not be my friend. But I do not want to say she didn’t call me because she did. Lois only called me on the occasion that she was intoxicated or hallucinating. Was that what our friendship has come to, that she can only call me when she wasn’t lucid? I knew I couldn’t talk to her so I hung up. Annoyingly she kept calling and I kept ignoring because I would not be able to handle breaking up our friendship when she wasn’t lucid.

Throughout freshman year of college a lot has happened. She lost her father and then her grandfather and we were about to have a friend we have going to the Navy (who never did go). We got into how she never has the time to visit us, and how we make the effort. Lois says she has not transportation and that I do, but to me and our friend she was just making up an excuse not to see us. At that point with us arguing, Bob #2 didn’t like what was going on and told her to not talk to me anymore and…she never did.

During my sophomore year in college she was out in the “world” working away because something happened to her in her college so she got kicked out. I didn’t call her, and she didn’t call me. I was thinking, “Why do I have to make up for something I didn’t commit? Why…I always give in and apologize for something I absolutely did not start.” But I did call and like her usual self she never picks up. We never really did talk during my sophomore year of college, we were strangers.

The summer after sophomore year was the year we reconnected because she and Bob #2 broke up. She said she called me the first thing she ended their relationship and I felt bad for her and became her best friend again. We went to the mall, lunch, and even picked up rock climbing which became “our thing”. I was there for her when she whether she needed rides to the doctor’s office or she was having some hard choices to make.

The summer was ending and again we gave our word that we would keep in touch and not have our freshman year repeat. But as we all know, history does repeat itself. We kept in touch through email for about a week or two when school started for the both of us. An email which strained our friendship finally came. The detail of the email she sent me is a little too much information to let readers know about, so I will just say she broke her promises of not drinking, smoking, or getting down right and dirty. I couldn’t believe what I was reading and sent her back a very blunt email. We both know each other very well and she knew I was not a person who would “sugarcoat” my words. Lois took it a certain way and didn’t email me back.

A couple of days later, I found out that I was going to go study abroad in a foreign country. The second person I told was Lois. I told her if she was to come we could go together and get a fairly nice discount to it. Guess what? She never replied to my email about studying abroad and that was a subject we got into during the summer. Sometime while I was waiting for that email to come through to me which didn’t because I knew she was still mad about me, for saying what I did when I replied to her email. So I stopped waiting for the email from her and told myself, “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.” I realized I have to stop being her friend but I never told her.

Two months later with hints like, “Friendship over…?” on Facebook letting her know I didn’t want her friendship anymore Lois finally talks to me and asks;

“What up?” said Lois.

“I don’t know what’s left of our friendships.” said I.

“Wow Mabes, really?” said Lois.

“Yes, Lois really. You weren’t there for me to share my happy news with me, being my ‘friend’ I thought you would be…but you weren’t. I was always, always there for you. Where were you when I needed you?” said I

“Mabes, I was really busy with school and all and that email you sent me wasn’t the best.” said Lois.

“Lois, you know I don’t sugarcoat my words, you know me well enough I do not do that stuff. What did you expect me to say to you…that I was happy that you were going to mess up your life again? No I didn’t want to hear that. Lois I was there for you when you needed me most or just whatever. Where were you when I needed you?” said I.

“Mabes, we seriously need to get together and talk.” said Lois.

“What is there to talk about? You’re too preoccupied with your new friends and new boyfriend again. And guess, I’ve had it with you ditching me for like the 5th time for a new guy you have met or a new friend.” said I.

She knew I was mad at her and she knew our friendship could end, but I didn’t really end it, in fact I don’t think I will ever. My friendship with her will always be there, but it’s not going to be the same. I don’t think I could ever have a friendship with someone who cannot be there for me whether it’s good or bad.

No one should ever end a friendship, because ending a friendship means cutting off ties. I don’t ever want that for myself or anyone. Let time takes its’ course and maybe just maybe a friendship can or cannot be salvaged.

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Email Yi Lee: yilee1988@gmail.com

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