As we enter the “expensive era,” stay-at-home moms seem to have become a distant memory. There used to be a time when one income afforded all the latest luxuries, like a single car, two-bedroom house, and if you’re lucky a black-and-white knob television. Now it’s an anomaly to have less than two cars per family, or less than two televisions in a home. Of course, with luxuries comes expense, and with expense comes a need for both Dad and Mom to ask the question: To Work or Not Work? What is a mom’s responsibility, and should a career be put on hold when kids come into the picture?

I had to make that same choice.

Once upon a time I was an in-house editor for a publishing house and loved my job. But I knew that there would come a time when I peed on a stick and entered motherhood, and I’d wonder how to juggle a baby and a career—figuratively, not literally. My lifestyle wasn’t that expensive, but it was enough that I knew I’d either have to downsize or keep working—a conundrum most people are faced with nowadays. I wasn’t too keen on using a daycare to raise my child, but neither did I want to send my two horses to a glue factory. What to do, what to do?

One of my closest friends lived in a ghetto. She birthed her first child in that home, but when she watched SWAT carry out a major drug bust across the street, she knew it was time to move. But in order to move she’d need to keep working to afford a better neighborhood. One income simply wouldn’t suffice. Was it better to raise her children herself in a hazardous neighborhood, or use a daycare but be able to sleep at night?

There are no easy answers, no “right or wrong” answers to these questions. Only each mother can decide what’s best for her situation and for her kids and future. Because the truth is that there are three futures at stake: the mom’s future, the marriage’s future, and the children’s future. So I’m going to address three possible solutions that I hope can balance each of those aspects.

The first is the stay-at-home mom choice. This is a tough one when you live beyond your means, so this choice requires lots of sacrifice of material goods but earns it back with a great relationship among the family, if done out of love, not resentment. The stay-at-home mom is a tough woman as she balances raising children with her housekeeping duties, but if you downsize there shouldn’t be much junk to clean up and you will find much enjoyment in the “simpler” things in life. Dates may be rare outings, coupon cutting may be only way to purchase fabric softener, and cable television may have to be cut, but I guarantee the family time will be quality and you won’t have spoiled kids. So while it’s a major sacrifice, and moving to a smaller house may be the only way to afford this lifestyle, the return on the investment will be worth it.

The second option is a part-time worker. This allows Mom to stay at home enough to save on daycare costs—or even use Grandma’s services in watching the kiddies—while she still gets work hours to maintain the financial costs. Again, some trimming in the family budget may be needed, but it’s a happy medium that avoids relocation downsizing. For many families, simply sticking to a tight budget is enough to afford a fulfilling lifestyle and Mom still gets plenty of quality time at home with the kids while getting enough “away” time at work to not go stir-crazy.

Lastly we have the full-time working mom. Some moms have no choice but to work full-time, while others want to. And don’t worry—you can still win the “Mom of the Year Award” even if you work full-time. It just takes a little more energy after a full day at work to come home and make time for the family. Kids are demanding, and the marriage needs quality time too. This mom truly has her hands full, so these moms are to be honored for doing triple duty. My suggestion to make the most out of your family time: avoid the television. I know, I know, it sounds impossible. I remember when vegging in front of the TV was my only down time in a day. But if you want to maintain that connection among the family, spend time talking, playing, or even doing board games together. It’s a better investment than staring at a TV screen in hypnotic silence and your children will thank you for it one day.

Now, if you’re a full-time working mom not by choice but by necessity, consider a work-at-home alternative. In my case, I decided to start my own editing company, Proofed to Perfection Editing Services, so that I could work from home while caring for my infant. Sure, it’s not always easy, but it allowed me to stay home while still putting in full-time hours. Other women have opened up daycares in their home, offered tutoring, started catering companies, or run other businesses from home. Some employers are even willing to let women work from home as long as performance is not hindered. Get a little creative if working at home sounds appealing to you.

Moms—all moms—should be celebrated for what they do. And no matter what choice you’ve had to make as a mom, only you know what’s best for your family. But whatever you do, keep in mind that no dollar value can buy a quality family relationship. If you put family first, you’ll be investing in the most important aspect of your future.

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About the author: Pamela Guerrieri came to terms with her addiction to writing when she received and filled the pages of her first journal at the tender age of eight. Her eagerness to write was furthered when she won several local awards for poetry and short stories. One of her closest companions was her rhyming dictionary, which she still keeps close at hand.

As an editor and writer, Pamela enjoys editing works by first-time authors and has been a panel judge for several prominent literary awards, including the RWA, ECPA Book of the Year Awards, and Christy Awards. Though her work at Proofed to Perfection Editing Services consumes most of her day, Pamela always finds time to play with her Arabian horse. She enjoys traveling, talking to strangers (despite those childhood warnings), and Tae Kwan Do.

E-mail: inquiries@proofedtoperfection.com

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