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Dec. 19, 2010 AIN’T WE GOT FUN? Don’t ask (where I’ve been) and I won’t tell. Okay, okay…I’ll tell. I was feted at a dinner party attended by Vivica Fox, John McCain, Lindsey Lohan, Louis C.K., Tiger Woods, Spike Lee, The Kardashians, Kim Jong Il, Shepard Smith, Forrest Whitaker, Clarence Thomas, Tony Romo, Ringo Starr, Shemp Howard’s nephew by marriage (Barney Frank), Wanda Sykes, LeBron James, Eliot Spitzer, Larry David, Mike Tyson, Lisa Marie Presley, Tim Lincecum and Benjamin Netanyahu. We were celebrating my fifth year as a columnist at UK. Talk about strange bedfellows…No, not the aforementioned folks, but those who were invited to the soiree and were noticeably absent, including Ken Hughes, Tom Pain, Bart Oates/Carl Tirpitz, Molly Mason, Dr. Mick Brooks, Thomas Keyes and Saddam Hussein. Wait a minute, I know why he didn’t come. BACK TO THE FUTURE California reelected as Governor former head of state Jerry Brown. You know, the fella who in the 70’s and early 980’s was derisively referred to by the eastern press as “Governor Moonbeam” (Thanks Mike Royko!) Funny how the things he was talking about back then—the environment, alternative fuels, wind and solar power, electric cars, etc. seems so timely, when in reality, we’re now 30+ years behind. He also sought the young, non-traditional voter support—a lesson put to good use by Barack Obama in 2008. He was a far better choice than Meg Whitman, who had no record to run on and who spent $145 million of he4r own firtune on an ego-trip that consisted of lies and distortions, Didn’t the failed bid of Michael Huffington teach the California GOP anything? You can’t run a candidate just because he can spend like crazy. For the record, Brown will be a better Gov than Governor Buffoon scheme, Arnold Schwarzeneggar. MAN, THIS COULD WORK OUT JUST FINE IN 2012 Just when it looked like the Democrats were digging their own grave, as the GOP forced Obama’s hand to extend the Bush tax cuts, now it appears that Obama was the one who took the high road (as the one willing to compromise) and the GOP as the Party of ‘No,’ Obama also gotr ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ off the books (as he promised) and a near trillion-dollar spending bill that supposedly will deliver jobs. The GOP went along, but just think, if the economy keepos growing, Obama will wion a second term and the GOP will have themselves to blame. As for negating Obamacare. Fuggedaboutit. It will be toed up in court beyond 2012 and by that time the Romney-Palin ticket will be so far behind in the polls it will make the Huckabee-Palin or Huckabee-Pawlenty ticket look like Reagan-Bush. C’mon, do you really think the Mittwit can beat Obama? Or maybe Jeb and all his kin will come out of the shed to save the day? And just think if Biden removes himself from the ticket “For health reasons” and Hillary comes on board… Do you really believe Sarah Palin could beat Barack Obama in a debate? She couldn’t win a debate against the denizens of Madame Tussaud’s. Romney’s problem is that he comes off as smug and he has that issue of being a Mormon (read: a religion rooted in racism) and therefore doesn’t stand a chance. Jindal is a junior varsity player at best, and do you really think the GOP will nominate a person of color? The GOP has had its fill of “the colored experiment” and Michael Steele is proof of that. Jindal shouldn’t even waste his time thinking about a run. Louis Farrakhan has a better chance of taking over the Ku Klux Klan than Jindal has of getting the Republican nomination. Yep, it’s gotta be Huck, and he will be formidable. A Huckabee-Pawlenty ticket could be a GOP version of Clinton-Gore: Both perceived as smart and appealing to younger voters. ‘BOUT THAT TIME FOR A SUPER BOWL PICK Where’s Claxton Graham when you need him? From where I sit (in front of the tine with a thick ham sandwich slathered in Grey Poupon, and an ice-cold can of Miller High Life), it looks like a New Orleans-New England Super Bowl. Right now Tom Brady and Drew Brees are at the top of their games and both teams secondaries have improved as the season has chugged along. Too bad Peyton Manning is going to miss the playoffs, as should the represent from the NFC West. Sorry Eli, but you and big bro will be at Archie’s crib wolfing down bratwurst and brewskies this year. Nope, Philip Rivers. You gotta go up against the Tommy Gun. Jacksonville, New York, Baltimore? Don’t make me soil my pants from laughing. Big Ben will bring his Steelers into New England and they will loser a nail-biter. The NFC West is a sink hole, Brett Favre came out of retirement to retard Tavarius Jackson’s growth for another year, Aaron Rogers has no help, Tampa is close but not close enough and Michael Vick will lead the Eagles into New Orleans only to find that when his midget receivers fail to get open, he will be forced to run on nearly every play and boy wilkl he be sore by the third quarter. In short my playoff picks are: Philadelphia, New York, Chicago, New Orleans, Atlanta and San Francisco. In the AFC I see San Diego, Jacksonville, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, New England and the New York Jets….assuming they don’t pull a Denver Broncos impersonation and fall flat, in which case you’d better watch out for the Houston Texans. TOO MANY BLOWS TO THE HEAD, PERHAPS? Like Oliver McColl, Wilfredo Benitez. Joe Frazier, Riddick Bowe, Evander Holyfield and Muhammad Ali, Floyd Mayweather is acting as if the brain cells he has left are taking early retirement. First he passed up (actually, I think ducked) a huge payday to fight Manny Pacquiao, and then he has a domestic dispute that would make Mel Gibson;’s look like a scene from Father Knows best. This cat needs help, and what is it about boxers that when they retire they have to go on the “off the deep end:” tour? Hector Camacho, Mike Tyson, David Hilton, Jr., Evander Holyfield, Donald Curry, Peter “The Human Punching Bag” McNeeley, Vinnie Azienza, Trevor Berbick, et al. HAIL TO THE KING So long, Larry King. After fifty years behind the mike on radio and TV, the suspender clad, glasses-so-thick-he0-can-see-dead-people talk show host is hanging ‘em up. He did his job well, and his absence makes me pray all the harder that turdburgers like Howard Stern, Don Imus, Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh come nowhere near lasting that long. JUST SAY ‘NO’ TO OTC DRUGS The only drugs not being recalled it seems are boner pills. Pain pills, sleep medications and other stalwarts of the pharmaceutical industry just don’t cut the mustard. We have new antibiotics that already look as if they’re obsolete, and some medications have so many side effects, you’re better off saying “To hell with it!” And chucking the vial into the nearest landfill. I think medicine is as much a racket as so-called “waste management” officials/Mafiosi. I think the goal of medicine, rather than cure disease, is to make a disease manageable, There’s no profit in a quick-fix injection. But make it so millions of sick people have to buy expensive medicines for decades and you see the profit potential. This man-made crap is probably making people worse. This has proven to be the case in some pain meds, such as Darvocet. With the exception of mocking the Tea Party, over the next few weeks I plan to write about things other than politics: My take on Joran Van Der Kook, book and movie reviews, the state of Hollywood (and an article or two on film noir, one of my favorite subjects); A final segment of my Where Are They Now? series, the new season of American Idol, The vultures of Wall Street and of course, sports. See ya in a week or so... ------------ About the author: Timothy N. Stelly is a poet, essayist, novelist and screenwriter from northern California. His novel, HUMAN TRIAL, is the first part of a sci-fi trilogy and is available from Amazon.com, allthingsthatmatterpress.com and in e-book format at mobipocket.com. HUMAN TRIAL II: ADAM'S WAR is now available. Stelly also has a short story included in the AIDS-themed anthology, THE SHATTERED GLASS EFFECT, due out in February 2010. His story, SNAKES IN THE GRASS, Is a tale of love, betrayal and its deadly consequences. Reviews of HUMAN TRIAL can be read at amazon.com Visit me at: http://www.myspace.com/pittwit website: http://www.stellyhumantrial.com Email: stellbread@yahoo.com
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