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Dec. 7, 2010 With the very break of dawn and of sleep, the light of desire crept into the mind of Amber. As he lay in bed, listening to the incessant pitter patter of raindrops vainly seeking admittance through the closed window panes, he felt a surge of intense longing, similarly hammering for entrance into Sreya’s thoughts …he had to meet her at least on that very day. He must! But a Doctor’s professional schedule had no break till bedtime at night. How could he possibly pay Sreya’s visit? Early morning mundane chores, from brushing to breakfast to browsing daily news hardly stirred any energy till at the stroke of seven, patients pestered him into activity. The monotony of routine life: hospital/chamber/ family all chained him down with inescapable mental fatigue. It was almost nine by the time he got rid of patients and rushed for a quick shower. His mind calculated the home front schedule of Sreya’s house. Kunal would stick to the phone till he left for office at nine. Chances of Sreya’s attending the phone would be only after that. With expectant trepidation to hear Sreya’s voice, he pressed the buttons of the telephone…the ring ended in a male voice “Hello”. Turning his choked disappointment into artificial cordiality, Amber responded with “Hello, Kunalda? How is every body? Kunal laughed and added “Since we didn’t call for the doctor, it’s obvious that the health bulletin is okay. But you have not come over for quite sometime? Amber hurriedly acknowledged, “Yes, yes, you know a doctor’s life pressed down with endless patients, where is the time?” Kunal persisted “Come on now, are you going to wait till one of us have some medical problem?” Amber felt ashamed, “Really, Kunalda, please, I always wish you all of good health, I will try to drop soon” Kunal was going late, so he politely asked leave, bade good bye and put the receiver. Poor Amber could not find any way of excuse to ask for Sreya over the phone. The rain had given a respite…Amber pondered over waiting a bit longer and calling again in the hope of better luck. The moment he picked up the receiver, Monika chose to enter the room. Amber did not take any risk, he began to get dressed to leave for the hospital. Monika left the room in a few minutes and desperate Amber was tempted to phone immediately. At the other end of the line, piped in a childish voice “ Hello!,” What the hell! Silently swore Amber as he cut off the line- it had to be either the husband or the daughter! Even to hear Sreya’s voice seemed as difficult as to enjoy her proximity. It was quarter past nine and Amber had no choice but to rush in an Auto to catch the train in time. The jerking, rattling Auto didn’t disturb Amber’s dream telecommunication, “Hello, Madam, what is the news?” “ Oh! Hi”, would ring in Sreya’s smart, confident, luring voice, “What kind of news are you looking for, physical, mental or environmental’ then a hearty laugh would end with “Are you interested in all the three or neither of those? Just a polite query?” “Can all emotions be verbally expressed? Don’t you understand Sreya ?”Amber would plead. Amber enjoyed such day dreams as he is incapable of voicing his feelings in reality. The Auto screeched into a halt temporarily shattering Amber’s illusory dialogues. As he loitered on the platform, he made a bold decision, that very afternoon, he would pay Sreya a visit, when no one could or would be around. The ring of the calling bell on a desolate afternoon would compel Sreya to open the door. Would he be at a loss of words to justify his untimely visit? No, he would shed off all docility and determinedly snatch the opportune moment, gather her in arms bringing an end to all procrastination. The sudden arrival of the train created an aggressive jostling and elbowing among the passengers to board and alight from the compartments .Dripping umbrellas, muddy shoes, slushy floor added to the discomfort and confusion of the office time overcrowded local trains. Amber somehow managed to squeeze into deposit his umbrella in a convenient nook to inevitably forget its existence as he resumed his imaginary romantic pursuits. At the hospital too, he could not concentrate on his own work. It was pouring outside and romantic songs swelled up in his heart as he eagerly envisaged the afternoon of Sreya’s house…, impatiently he tried to get rid of his patients at break-neck speed. Hospital hours were over, he almost flew to catch an early down train. As the train sped along, so he concentrated on the thoughts on what exactly could he say to Sreya….how would he say it?....With a sudden jolt, the train halted and so did his amorous aspirations. Luck never seemed to favor him. As if the rowdy youngsters could not find a better way or time to sit on the rail tracks and as if there was no better mode of voicing protest against any “damn issue”. Amber had no choice but to swear in exasperation as minutes crawled into hours before the trains rolled on again. It was past four, when Amber decisively boarded an auto to reach Sreya’s house. The overcast sky, rumbling of thunder and threatening of down pour seemed to merge with his inner excitement and tension. Even the auto’s deafening roar could not drown the overwhelming echo of his own palpitating heart. The auto sped past Sreya’s house, but his choked vocal chord gave no signal to stop. Fear, failure, frustration overpowered him at the opportune moment. Middle class normal codes inhibited all his desires and longings and propelled him homeward to the regular routine of late lunch siesta- private chamber in the evening. While busy attending patients, Amber began to cherish fresh hopes of meeting Sreya at dinner time. But by the time he was free, it was past eleven, hardly an hour for formal visit. Amber could not resignedly accept defeat, since early morning, his sole wish was to meet her once, if not at least hear her voice. How could he let his dormant passion be all smothered by time and indecision?
Sreya used to go to bed late night, the others did not. So it would be an ideal time to ring her. Hastily he rang and within seconds the much coveted melodious voice responded with a “Hello, Hello !” Amber’s heart swelled in joy and in his mind, he uttered a series of hello’s and “I love you, Goodnight”, as he relished the sound of her voice, but he voiced not a single syllable.
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