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Aug. 12, 2010 As an lomng-time observer and certified expert of male-female interaction, I established a definition of being whupped and also introduced readers to the first three stages of this malady. In this article I will examine the crucial fourth and fifth stages and what you can do to help prevent this disease from becoming further entrenched in our country. WHUPPED STAGE FOUR: THE TEARS OF A CLOWN I’ve known such men to go home crying to their mothers. I’ve seen them jelly-legged as they walk the street at three a.m. teary-eyed and carrying a box with their belongings—all because their woman will no longer do anything with them. She use to make up excuses like “I’m tired” or “I have a headache.” Now she just turns her back and tells him to leave her alone. More telling is the fact that he’s too lazy or inept to go out and find his own extracurricular activity. Even worse, he “waxes the old carrot” in secrecy and is ashamed of it, not to mention scared to death she will discover his deed and out him in front of her friends. Confused, Joe decides to spend a few days at his mother’s house. Remember, his woman has made sure he has no friend he can turn to, unless that friend is married to one of her friends. Going to one of his ex-girlfriend is out of the question, since Joan badmouthed them and Joe was powerless to do anything about it. That ex-girlfriend now feels betrayed and Joe has more than one woman hating him. (NOTE: A woman will never put a man out if she thinks he has somewhere else he can go and have fun.) His attempts to sleep with one of her friends. He’s drunk at the time, so that if he gets shot down, he can always blame it on the booze. Joan gets word of it and it makes her anger burn even hotter. She and her girlfriends then gather for one of their bi-weekly male-bashing sessions, but later, Joan pretends to have a change of heart and invites Joe to come back home. She initiates this by telling him she just came from Victoria ’s Secret and that she wants to make up. Once she sees how eager he is to come over, she slips in the disclaimer that there are a few new rules. Now he must not only pay all the bills, but he has to help her with the housework. She also gets to keep her new-found male friends, many of whom “just happen to be in the neighborhood” after ten p.m. She ends her new rules diatribe with, “You need to get yourself together.” Even though he has no idea what she means, he agrees and follows along, like a dog beaten into submission by a cruel master.
Joe responds to her remark with something stupid like, “You sure you don’t want to keep the car?”
After all this, poor Joe goes through one of five final episodes: (1) Nervous breakdown, and/or a steep decline into drugs, alcohol or both; (2) He becomes sexually promiscuous to salvage some small piece of his ego. These women are usually skanky and will sleep with anyone. (3) He might stop dating altogether and simply bad mouth women every time he gets the chance. All women are either “bitches,” “gold-diggers,” “ballbusters” or “closet lesbians.” (4) He might even join a cult, or move to another state, in an attempt to outrun his shame, which is like trying to outrun the moon on a lonely stretch of highway.
Being whooped is like having high blood pressure. Not omly is the heart is damaged, but it is a silent killer. It is like overeating—an addictions, an epidemic. Doctors across America are banding together to combat this malady and have formed a group called HELP ME—Hospice for Elevating the Lives of P---ywhupped Men Everywhere. Just ten dollars a month is enough to keep Joe on the road back to respectability. Won’t you donate today? Call 1-555 EMPTY SAC . Operators are standing by ready to take your call.
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