WOW! There it was. When Oprah read this quote from The Los Angeles Times during her interview with Whitney Houston last week, it really hit home for me. I had been trying to figure out just what it was about Whitney and the way she had been behaving for the past ten years that was so upsetting. I knew the way I felt wasn't anger, and it wasn't pity or resentment either. It was pain. I was sad. And not just garden variety sadness either, this was a deep sadness.

There are certain artists out there who have a special relationship with their public, a relationship that runs deeper, beyond just a casual admiration for their music. Over the years I have taken a lot of comfort from Whitney's music. From the very first moment I heard her sing You Give Good Love she has been special to me, she has been a part of my life.

Whitney has done what any good artist is suppose to do, she has created a connection to those of us who love hearing her sing, who relate to what she sings about. Those of us who have known deep pain in our lives understand the necessity of finding a safe harbor, of finding something that cushions the fall. Some find it in drugs or liquor, or shopping or whatever it is that takes us away. In my day I did a lot of drugs. I went on all kinds of trips, went to the fair and didn't miss a single ride, believe me! Some rides were better than others so I stayed on them longer, going round and round, up and down until the day finally came when I knew I had to get off. But what happens when you wake up sober and the demons are still there? You need to find a new way of coping, and for me I realized that music and comedy were the two things that filled that void. And how.

Something happens when you listen to the kind of music that soothes the soul. I grew up without a family, in a system with no compassion, without stability or the proper guidance. I took comfort wherever I found it, and as the years passed that search took me in all kinds of directions...until the day came when I understood the importance of music, when I realized it had the power to uplift, the power to heal and the power to fortify.

I had been living in New York for years before Whitney became internationally famous and remember hearing the buzz about Cissy Houston's show at Sweetwaters, which was a small supper club on the Upper West Side. Cissy would introduce her daughter to the crowd and then Whitney would do her solo, leaving them speechless in the aisles! I missed that show but remember thinking that the buzz surrounding this unknown singer was similar to the one that started when Barbra Streisand was an unknown, singing at a little club in the Village called The Bon Soir.

In the months leading up to the release of her debut album, Whitney was in Toronto where Arista had arranged a listening party at a small jazz club called The Bluenote. Hardly anyone came, that's how unknown she was! So when she finally hit it big in 1985, I couldn't have been happier. The Greatest Love of All was an anthem, a nod to self empowerment. I knew her version was a cover because I had been in love with Shirley Bassey's version for years, when she recorded it for her album The Magic Is You. Of course Whitney being Whitney, she took that song and sang it like it had never been sung before, making it her own. The worldwide attention was instant, her voice and her image were everywhere and the future couldn't have looked brighter.

I remember how upset Whitney was when she recalled going home to Newark, New Jersey after the release of her debut album. She parked her new Mercedes in the driveway, went inside to visit with her family and when she came out the car was covered in graffiti, proving that unlike conventional wisdom, you can't always go home. That hurt her because not only was it a spiteful act, it was done by people she grew up with and went to school with. These weren't strangers, they were from her old neighborhood.

From the beginning of her career I knew the Whitney from Newark was at odds with the Whitney that had been created. Not that one persona was less genuine than the other, but in the eyes of her public the disparity was too intense, the gap too wide. How could she possibly be anyone else but the Whitney Houston who sings beautiful love songs, covered in diamonds, wearing designer gowns? I'm sure she looks that way when she rolls out of bed in the morning, I mean she carries the glamorous look with such ease, such grace and elegance! Obviously she doesn't schlub around the house in sweat pants, what are ya stupid?

So she goes to The Soul Train Awards and meets Bobby Brown. The next thing you know they're at The Plaza Hotel in New York getting married. Oh my god I bout died! Someone shoulda stuck a fork in me because chile, I was done!

I didn't know much about him aside from that hilarious video he did with New Edition called Telephone or Operator I'm Trying to Call My Woman or something like that, where they're all running around talking into these red plastic phones begging the operator to get their "womens" on the line. Well, I thought to myself, he seems like a nice young man, very respectful, obviously gifted musically! I mean he didn't lip sync, and that impressed me because it takes years of training before you can do your dance moves and at the same time simulate oral sex on stage and sing live without missing a beat. Let's be real, that's the kind of talent you can build a whole career on! What's that you said? He has 50 kids and they're all named Bobby? Nah, that's just crazy talk! I don't know where these nasty rumors come from but anyone talkin' that kind of mess better put the shut to the up because Whitney wouldn't marry no fool! What? He urinated in the back of a cop car? See!!! These are the kinds of vicious rumors that get started when people are jealous, he gots it goin' on and all you nasty unemployed stank fools can't deal with it, that's what that's about! Don't even trip!

The run up spots to Oprah's interview promised a no holes barred Whitney, answering the questions she hates, but that everyone wants the answers to. Who doesn't understand her anger over the intrusions on her private life? The disrespect the press has shown to her and her family and especially to Bobby Kristina, has always been relentless, and while I'm sure the loss of privacy was no surprise to Whitney, it's the intensity with which she is pursued that becomes the problem. There are a lot of Hollywood couples who have terrific marriages, who've managed to keep their private lives private. Oprah and Stedman, Kurt and Goldie, Barbra Streisand and James Brolin are a few names that prove not every marriage is destroyed by the spotlight. I've always admired Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman. They split from Hollywood years ago and built themselves and their family a beautiful life in Connecticut, far from the weirdness of LaLa Land. You just know that decision went a long way in protecting their relationship. Paul Newman said something to Oprah one day that said a lot about who he was. She had commented on how handsome he was and how much of a sex symbol he had been to women everywhere, and his response went something like "well, that and 85 cents will get you a cup of coffee". That's what kind of person Paul Newman was. Humble, realistic, unimpressed with himself. He must have been a real fish out of water in Hollywood right? Ok, let me get back on track....

In Whitney's case, staying married to Bobby Brown for 14 long years probably had more to do with how stubborn she was than anything else. I don't know when she finally realized it was over and the thrill was gone, but if what she told Oprah is any indication, the last 10 years were rough. I was as surprised as everyone else to hear her explaining what went wrong, what went down in the days and months before she made the final decision to walk away. The interview was shocking in what it revealed, but you KNOW what was not revealed is even more shocking!

I can't imagine how stressful it must have been for them as newlyweds trying to establish a new home and start a family when every tabloid and entertainment show from here to Russia is speculating on how long it would last. If that marriage weren't built on real love it probably wouldn't have lasted more than 6 months! But they did love each other, and I think Whitney's public did their best to support her because we wanted her to be happy. But oy vey, what we had to endure because we loved her! How many times did we listen to her raving on about how Bobby was the best performer that ever hit a stage since Elvis? How no one could touch Bobby when it came to performing, that he was an original who was in a class unto himself? Now THAT I believed! Let me tell ya homeys, there were days when that marriage was harder on me than it was on her!

I came to several conclusions after watching the Oprah interview.

She was clear on why her music career took a back seat to the marriage, and that was something I had always wondered about given her immense talent. While her career was exploding internationally, she was trying to protect her marriage by downplaying it at home. She couldn't have realized it at the time or it never would have happened, but the day she let Bobby take the wheel she set into motion a chain of events that almost destroyed her. She had to clean that mess up before she could even think about singing again. I know I'm not the only one who is thrilled to have her back. Thrilled to hear her singing again, yes, but more importantly I'm happy she and Bobby Kristina made it through all that funk and can start living again. Towards the end of the second hour she spent with Oprah, Whitney said it would be the last time she spoke publicly about the marriage and the drama that surrounded it. Personally, I can't stand it when an actor or a performer are promoting their latest release by going on press junkets where they say the very same things over and over again. After the first hundred times of repeating the same stories they start getting a little nauseating. Whitney's not dealing with that stupidity and who could blame her?

When ABC announced Whitney would be performing in Central Park, her first American concert appearance in seven years, the paramedics had to be called. Those first few hours were touch and go, but the doctor's never gave up! It was with their help and with the love and the prayer's of friends and stranger's alike, that finally pulled me through! She sang three songs from the new album and closed the show with I'm Every Woman. The next day every media outlet from Hard Copy to Radar Online were tripping over themselves, trying to be the first one's to "break" the news that Whitney's voice was shot, that the years of drug use had destroyed her gift. Oh chile please, go away! That the world's greatest singers often wake up unable to speak, never mind sing, is hardly news. I'm sure she was aware of how she sounded on a note here or a chorus there, but she wasn't about to cancel, can you imagine what would have happened if she did that? The press would have lost their minds.

The first time I saw the image Arista used for the cover of I Turn to You, I was stunned. It says so much about where her life is today, how far she's come. They couldn't have chosen a better image. She looks healthy, refreshed and more than anything else, she looks strong. Those of us who buy her music, who see her movies and attend her concerts take something away from those experiences. I will never forget what I came away with after her show at The Pacific National Exhibition in Vancouver. It only lasted three minutes but even today, twenty years later, the memory is just as vivid. She was wearing the most beautiful red silk gown I had ever seen when someone placed a shiny chrome stool at the center of the stage. When Whitney sat down on that stool, the lights in the entire venue went out. The only one they left on was shining down on her as she started to sing. The song was Miracle, from her I'm Your Baby Tonight release. Can you imagine how incredible she looked in that shiny red gown, sitting on an equally shiny stool with just a single spotlight shining down on her from above? Everything was shiny! That audience froze, I swear, they went into a trance! They were transported to somewhere easy. somewhere far away from this planet. Her voice had wings and just listening to it felt like landing on the moon! Other worldly, get it? Oy!

I have to say that no matter how she may have sounded, there are a lot of people out here thrilled to have her back. I want to hear her sing, obviously, but watching her reclaim her life has been just as powerful, just as uplifting as any note she'll ever hit. I hope she's exhaled because she deserves it.

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