If you're worried about the company Sarah would find herself in, my collection is pretty illustrious. Should one of you good people care to let your Palin bobbler loose, you can rest assured that she would be well situated. There's a gap on the shelf just waiting for Sarah. The spot is right next to James Danforth Quayle, he of massive intellect, 44th Vice President of the U S of A, just one space away from my Charley Manson bobbler. Charley comes complete with the Swastika he carved into his own forehead during his murder trial forty years ago. Good ol' Chuck! He's a splendid memento of the 1960s' long-haired Hippy hopheads. Sadly, he rarely nods his head anymore and his hair is no longer long. Want to trade your Sarah for my Charley?

Dan Quayle will be located on Sarah's left, although it's a toss up which of these politicians has any leftwards leanings at all. The two of them could discuss their views on unwanted pregnancies and abortions. Sarah, who stands four square against abortion would tell Dan that she would always choose life, even if her own daughter had been viciously raped. Dan would probably reply with his well-known statement on the subject: "Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms if not having it." And he would follw that up with, "I'm not part of the problem. I am a Republican." Can't you just see Ms Palin's reaction to this tidbit of wisdom? It would most likely come in the form of her most fey smile.

On Sarha's right, right where he belongs, I would place my not-so-beloved Senator John Sidney McCain, who would undoubtedly prefer to avoid any chit-chat about abortion entirely in order ti discuss bombing Iran because it has nukes. This is the man who, at the top of his form while serving his country between 1958 and 1967, lost five American Naval aircroft, ill-treated his disabled first wife whose broken body was, at the time, held together by screws, and would, given the slightest chance, overturn Roe v. Wade in a flash. He favors bombing anyone who refuses to fit his George W Bushish idea of forcing the American style of freedom upon evertone everywhere, all the while squashing said freedom relentlessly. I have noticed of late that McCain's Bobble Head's head bobbles constantly without any assistance. The motion is becoming rather bothersome.

But back to the former mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. the charming and attractive Sarah Palin. This lady's thought processes evade me. One example: while acting as mayor for the small town of Wasilla, Ms Palin determined that she must charge rape victims for their rape kits. Law enforcement agents highly recommend victims to allow use of these kits in order to collect forensic evidence, such as DNA, which could put the scumbag who owns it in jail. How much can the swabs and specimin tubes in a rape kit cost? How much can a rape victim be expected to pay over and above the trauma and physical pain already suffered? Perhaps Ms Palin detected a small gold mine in demanding that the victims of forcible rape in her little Alaska town pay up. After all, Alaska ranks number one nationwide (including the District of Columbia) in rape cases. I suppose it is nice to be Number One in something, Still . . .

You're sure you can't part with your Sarah Palin Bobble Head? I have such big plans for her. There's another really important Bobble Head I have on order, one that will compliment Ms Palin to a tee. It's a pre-gray-haired retro David Letterman.

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About the author Cate Lane: Born in Minnesota and raised a temperate progressive, I was carried off to Texas 10 years ago by the tsunami that was my husband's retirement. Texas is not Minnesota, not by a long shot. However, I hear that Minnesota isn't Minnesota anymore either.

Writing was always my first choice in life. I began writing at the age of 8, small books about pioneers heading west. Little did I know then that I would be living in the most "western" of all the states, Texas. No one told the Texans that they are simply Southerners who, like Bugs Bunny, took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and wound up here.

I am sneaking up on 70 years of age and now own a vast store of useless knowledge. Happy to share any or all of it with you all.

Email: CthlnLn@aol.com

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