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Dec. 16, 2009 BROKEN, NOT STIRRED: Greg Oden of the Portland Trailblazers, the number one overall pick in the 2007 NBA draft has fpr the third time in three seasons seen his season end prematurely. Odin blew out his knee while positioning himself for a rebound. This carries on the long, tragic history of Blazer big men—from Bill Walton (foot woes), Sam Bowie (fragile legs), LaRue Martin (bust), Arvydas Sarbonis (old; bad knees), Kevin “00” Duckworth (whom one fan insisted was the value of the player), and now Oden “Odin” is the name of the chief god in North Germanic tradition; and means "fury, excitation." In this case, the name probably means inciting such passions in Blazer’s executives and season ticket holders. By the way, some of the players the Blazers passed on during this “cast” of brittle-boned big men: Odin (passed on O.J. Mayo and Kevin Durant), Martin (They passed on future Hall of Famers Bob McAdoo and Julius Erving) Bowie (passed on Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley), In ’74 the Blazers picked Walton and Maurice Lucas who led the Blazers to a title in the ’76-’77 season, but Walton never stayed heaklthy after that. In ’86 they took Sabonis with the 24th pick and Duckworth with the 33rd. They passed on Dennis Rodman, but did go to the NBA finals in 1990 and 1991, losing 4-1 to the Detroit Pistons and the Chicago Bulls, who were led by Michael Jordan. C’MON GET HAPPY: I heard Deepak Chopra cite a poll of lottery winners that claimed that such people, after one year were no happier than they were before they won their money. Neither were they any les happy. But most of those same people, five years later, were less happy because they had to worry about maintaining, or had already lost their money. Those in the former group were said to have worries thaey never had before—how the stock market does, other investments, the economy in general, etc. which were things they never had to consider so deeply before. There is an old saying, “Simple pleasures are the best.” I think this is true for most people. For example, people who fish. Their joy is not wrought from more than the calming influence of the water, but by the solitude and serenity in this rather simple endeavor. According to the Harris Poll, women are slightly happier than men (36% to 34%), and the joy of African-Americans and Hispanics was up. Blacks went from 35% to 41%, and Hispanics from 32% to 36%. Rates for whites remained steady, at 35%. For Democrats and Republicans it was 36% for the former (up from 33%) and 37% for the GOP, down 2% points. The pollster theorizes, “These changes probably have something to do with the election of President Obama.” (“Money And Happiness May Really Be Not Be Tied Together,” http://newsblaze.com/story/2009051502002800002.bw/topstory.html, May 15, 2009.) Jack Cafferty, in CNN Tonight, polled America about things that made them happy during these economically though times. His findings, while not scientific, reinforce the idea that simply pleasures really are best. His findings: 1. Fresh sheets on the bed 2. Family/grandchildren and friends 3. Being greeted by a dog upon returning home 4. Seeing animals playing 5. Taking a nap 6. Camping/being outside 7. Waking up with “my wits” about me 8. Comfort food 9. Faith 10. Love (“Top 10 List of Things Americans Doing to Find Happiness In Recession,” May 1, 2009, http://www.examiner.com/x-7312-Miami-Interfaith-Spirituality-Examiner~y2009m5d1-Top-10-list-of-things-Americans-doing-to-find-happiness-in-recession.) Many people cited cjarity work as the sopurce of their greatest joy. assisting others as their greatest source of joy. According to one report, “It's not just helping the poor, the arts or the church that makes giving to charity feel good. Giving affects the same part of the brain stimulated by sex, drugs and money, according to researchers at the National Institutes of Health.” (Robert Franklin, “Giving To Charity Affexts The Brain, Says Study,” Feb. 19, 2007, http://www.onlinecardonation.org/charity-news/charity-sex-drugs-rocknroll.html.) According to Pew Research, “Just a third (34%) of adults in this country say they're very happy, according to the latest Pew Research Center survey. Another half say they are pretty happy and 15% consider themselves not too happy.” (“Are We Happy Yet?”, February 13, 2006, http://pewresearch.org/pubs/301/are-we-happy-yet). Can money buy happiness? I guess it depends. The aforementioned data about lottery winners aside, the Pew research also noted, “49% of those with an annual family income of more than $100,000 say they're very happy. By contrast, just 24% of those with an annual family income of less than $30,000 say they're very happy.” Perhaps the disparity in these perspectives can best be explained by the lottery winner’s wealth occurring suddenly, while those who work their way up learn the nuances of wealth on the way up. Maybe money doesn’t buy happiness, but I’d sure as heck would like to give it a shot. ILL , LIT OR “IT”? We are under the illusion that all this modern technology will make our lives easier. People thought cell phones would make answering the phone convenient; which it does until the batteries run low. The cell phone was no better. This successor of the pager is little more than a nuisance and that dies everything from disrupting sacred rites to causing automobile fatalities. Now we have text messaging technology, which opn the surface might seem like a good thing. “Hey, people might actually get back to actually writing letters,” optimists cried. “Not so fast,” said the pessimist/realist. Here we have a technology that actually encourages us to spell words incorrectly! How as backward do we have to go before we wake up? This new “language” is accelerating the dumbing down of America . I thought using pictures rather than words on fast food cash registers was bad, but this is the pits. Look at the technology in the publishing business. It used to be you had to earn your stripes by publishing articles and short stories with small magazines and then with hard work, you might get a shot with the big boys. Now any clod who string together a series of sentences—cogent or not—can “publish.” There are many more bad writers than good ones. For every author of a book that hits the New York Times Bestseller List, there are tens of thousands of clods who think they’re the next Amy Tan or John Grisham, but whose skill level is at best, 7th-grade marginal. Now anyone with an idea, an ink pen and a few hundred books can out their muddled manuscripts out there with hundreds of thousands of other shiver-inducing scribblings. One of the reasons I liked reading was because I could learn about the flow and technique of writing. I learned grammar and punctuation. Now all I can tell aspiring scribes is caveat emptor, baby. THE SIMPLE LIFE: In 1899, twenty-two year-pld Richard Honeck was given a life sentence is prison for murder. On December 20, 1963, he was released at age 84. He died in 1976 at age 97. While in prison, he worked in the bakery, which other than his murder, was probably the most exciting thing he’d ever done. But I gotta give it to him—he had stick-to-itiveness. WHEN YOU GOTTA GO…WELL, I GUESS YOU REALLY GOTTA GO: A Massachusetts grand jury indicted 98-year-old Laura Lundquist in the strangling death of 100-year-old Elizabeth Barrow—her roommate, no less. This allegedly happened after a dispute over a table, that the suspect claimed impeded her path to the bathroom. HEY, Mr. Editor—WHERE YA AT? Editor, what ever happened to the UK Writer Of The Year award? If it comes back, which doesn’t seem likely, I’d nominate Mark Gelbart. Whether you agree with him or not, he knows how to provoke thought and his opinions, while he gets a bit incendiary at times, he sticks to his liberal guns. Plus, he’s an old school cat. FOOL’S BALL: Imagine if both the Indianapolis Colts and New Orleans Saints go undefeated all the way to the Super Bowl. That would mean that we would have four undefeated teams in NFL history that have made it that far with unblemished records. Things is, either the Colts or Saints would lose the Super Bowl, so that would be a strange statistic anomaly. And now for something I hate about the NFL—the first is instant replays being shown on the Jumbotron scoreboards at stadiums. This provides an unfair advantage for the home tean, as the replay is shown and hints as to whether or not a replay flag should be thrown. That’s why you have folks in the booth. You get that home fan base jeering a call, out comes the flag. Such plays should not be run until another play has already been executed. The other thing I don’t like is the debate on whether or not to change the overtime “Sudden Death” rule. Those who want the rule changed think that its unfair that both teams are not insured of at least one possession each in OT. I say, tough luck, pilgrim. I say leave it alone. This adds pressure and excitement to the game, and tells the team that must defend first to get it together! Last but not least—and this applies to all sports: If you deliberately injure another player and cost them to miss games, then you should be suspended for a term equal to the number of games your victim misses. Imagine if someone put a late hit on Peyton Manning well after a play was whistled dead. Let’s say the injury would keep Manning out for 6-8 weeks and you’re in week fourteen. Obviously, such a move would jeopardize the Colts’ playoff chances, while the perp would get maybe a $25,000 fine and a one game suspension. Where’s the justice in that? What about in the NBA? You could send in a scrub to low-bridge Lebron James on one of his swoops to the hoop. Your guys would get suspended for a game or two, but Cleveland ’s chances for a title would be dead in the water, as Lebron is out for the series. Not like this has ever happened, but you never know… AT LEAST THE WWE ADMITS THEIR FAKERY: Now boxing might be getting it right. With the heavyweight division in shambles, and the sport itself little more than a joke with a lame punchline, boxing might right itself with the Floyd Mayweather-Manny Pacquiao fight. Both men have staked a claim to the title “Best Pound-for-Pound Fighter In The World.” Mayweather relies on slick defense and speedy counterpunches. His power is not to be underestimated. Pacquiao can slug it out or box with an opponent with equal aplomb. Both men have multiple titles. However, Mayweather “retired” a couple of years ago and some say he has come back because of tax woes. If so, he may not have the same fire as Pacquiao, who is getting his first long swallow from the fountain of international fame. This fight has the potential to be the biggest pay-per-view fight ever. Ironic, because some argue that pay-per-view is what killed boxing. I remember televised title fights on The CBS Sports Spectacular, Wide World of Sports, NBC Friday Night Fights and late night showcases like the UHF-station staple Boxing From The Olympic. Now boxing is losing fans to UFC and MMA events. I remember the days of Ali, Frazier, Foreman, Norton, Jimmy Ellis, Bob Foster, Carlos Monzon, Ron Lyle and Jerry Quarry—to Mike Weaver, Larry Holmes, Big John Tate, Leon Spinks and Mike Tyson. Joe Layden, author of The Last Great Fight: The Extraordinary Tale of Two Men and How One Fight, Mike Tyson’s defeat at the hands of the unheralded James “Buster” Douglas sounded the death knell for boxing. Tyson had dominated the 80’s and his aura of invincibility was shattered that evening as Tysin was left dazed, feeling around on the canvas for his mouthpiece. We are a long way from boxing’s “Daze of Yore,” when I remember lighter weight stalwarts like Roberto Duran, Sugar Ray Leonard, Wilfredo Benitez, Aaron Pryor, Salvador Sanchez, Alexis Arguello, Marvin Hagler, Mustafa Muhammad, Victor Galindez, Wilfredo Gomez…When blown-up light-heavyweights can go up and win the heavyweight crown (Holyfield, Michael Spinks and Roy Jones, Jr.), then you know something is wrong with the sport. That couldn’t have happened in Ali’s day—ask Bib Foster and Jimmy Ellis. Now with likes of Oscar De La Hoya gone and fighters like Roy Jones, Jr. and Evander Holyfield literally hanging on for dear life, I can’t even name the top three fighters in any weight class. Pretenders to Tyson’s dust covered throne have come and gone, including the likes of Prince Naseem, Julio Cesar Chavez, Riddick Bowe, Montell Griffin and De La Hoya who seldom won “The Big One”—losing to Felix Trinidad, Bernard Hopkins, Sugar Shane Moseley (twice), Mayweather and Pacquaio. Four of those six losses were lopsided. As for Mayweather-Pacquiao, I’m picking Pacquiao by TKO in round 11. However, boxing fans could wind up being the big winner…but don’t hold your breath.
HELP WANTED: Can anyone tell me the name of the cartoon character with the asthmatic whine and whose catchphrase was a slowly-delivered, “I just loooove roast duck-ling”? I’d appreciate it.
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