Rick Davis, John McCain’s campaign manager, is either very honest, or very stupid.  I’m betting on the former.

"This election is not about issues," said Davis recently. "This election is about a composite view of what people take away from these candidates."

Huh?  Composite view?  I think some interpretation is in order here.  I’ll see if I can clarify Rick’s statement for the average American voter, with a few equivalent examples:

This bank is not about protecting your money; this bank is about how hot you think our tellers are.

This fire department is not about putting out fires; this fire department is about how manly and confident our firemen act.

This police force is not about fighting crime; this police force is about how secure you feel when you see the pistols and badges.

This border fence is not about deterring illegal immigration; this border fence is a monument to our brickheaded electorate.

This corporation is not about your retirement dreams; this corporation is about how funny and cool our TV commercials are.

This war is not about oil or terrorism;  this war is about how great our young soldiers look in uniform.  Even the dead ones.

Christianity is not about salvation or God; Christianity is a panacea for the gullible.

Wow, Mr. Davis.  Wowie wow.  You’re really pulling out all the stops now, aren’t you?  The Republican train has left the station, folks, and unfortunately the issues affecting our lives aren’t on it.  But check out that billowing smokestack, and the really neat whistle!

Republicans, you’re just pathetic!  Your old geezer McCain is so desperate, he’s now calling himself the agent of change.  Is he aware that his own GOP has been calling the shots for 8 years?  Change?  What the f...?  Is Johnny even cognizant of the fact that he’s voted with Bush 95% of the time?  Does McCain know how many houses he has?  Is McCain so utterly senile that he’s forgotten he paired up a week ago with a church lady so chock full of conservative crapola, that if you gave her an enema she’d drop 3 dress sizes?

I mean, just look at the Republican platform.  It’s founded on nothing except religion – which is mass insanity sugar-coated in pure fantasy.  The Republican power-elite know their base is nothing but a bunch of deluded yokels and country bumpkins, so they pander to them with promises like “We’ll get the bad guys, don’t you worry ‘bout them, just keep them votes coming” and “Keep prayin’ fer our side, cuz Jesus is a-comin’ soon in his heavenly Hummer, and he’s gonna take you for a spin up there in them thar clouds!”

Look!  Up on the St. Paul stage… There’s a Mormon used-car salesman with holy underpants on, a  fake Hollywood District Attorney from TV-land, and a redneck preacher so ignorant he believes Earth is a 6000 year old stool from God’s bowels.  There’s a slimy Italian mobster who pimps 9-11 on every New York street corner, and a Jewish turncoat so unabashedly flip-floppish, he makes John Kerry look downright decisive.

Don't worry.  It’s okay, folks.  This election is not about issues.  As Barack Obama’s campaign manager David Plouffe so aptly replied:

“We appreciate Senator McCain's campaign manager finally admitting that his campaign is not in fact about the issues the American people care about, which is exactly the kind of cynical old politics people are ready to change."

Apparently, both campaign managers are honest!

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