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Nigeria, Circa 2048

By Stephen "Lonewolf" Makama
Oct. 31, 2008

I deliberately put this discourse deliberately suppressing the extreme cacoethes scribendi (the urge to write) until after the festivities in order to grasp your unalloyed attention.

Now let me tell you a story. It goes like this : a convoy is headed toward a particular destination from another particular destination. The convoy comprises of SUVS, Hummer vehicles and an odd assortment of other choice luxury vehicles all adorned with black tinted windows, alloy wheels and massive bass loudspeakers in their boots (or trunks) reverberating loud music. All of these vehicles are moving at high speeds accompanied by muscled outriders in all manner of attire, all manner of haircuts and carrying assortment of automatic, semiautomatic weapons and motley of side arms.

The convoy arrives at its destination halting in a protest of screeching types and the smell of burnt rubber. A frenzy of activity ensues as the main dignitary is ushered (hustled) into a spacious tiered chamber capped outside with a white imitative dome. It takes a while for the atmosphere to settle made no easier by the backslapping, catcalling and strutting by the new arrivals with those already seated. When the hubbub finally subsides a muscled rapper with his hair dyed green white and green is announced and he steps up to the centre stage to deliver a spinning rendition of the Nigerian national anthem. He hardly gets to complete the last line of the second stanza when the whole hall erupts in accompaniment. The rapper, known as ‘Mr.G, Mr.W, Mr.G,’ takes a bow as cat calls, cheering and raucous applause follow reminiscent of a wild concert setting. The atmosphere quietens and the noise ebbs slowly to a gentle murmuring in the tiers expectantly as if an unseen cue was given. The sound of a gavel reports with a sharp crack as a solemn voice initializes the proceedings. “Fellow citizens. It is my most privileged honor to present to you, His Excellency, The Grand Commander, The Chief of The Armed Forces of the Republic of ‘Naigizy’; Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you the President!” There is palpable restraint as the dignitary of the occasion stands up. In slow deliberation he raises his hands to his mouth and blows into his palms like a sprinter about get onto the blocks. He then smooths his hair with both hands, “Er Uhm” He clears his voice and exclaims… “Wassup! My Niggers!!’’ The result of the resounding response is heard all over the periphery of National Assembly and outlying zones. Civil servants in their offices momentarily cock their ears, look at each other shake their heads expunge deep breaths and continue with their work.

The above is a simulative scenario- and an excerpt from a full length novel (Nigeria , Circa 2048 by Stephen Lonewolf Makama) in progress at what might happen to / in Nigerian in the next 48 years when the present crop of the teen generation in Nigeria come of age and are ready to take over the governance of country. Simply put this young crops of future leaders generously encouraged by corporate Nigeria are being bred, knowingly or otherwise toward being an extreme generation, a radicalized citizenry probably more incendiary than any other in past history whether Europe or America, maybe even more conflagulatory than the present generation of suicide and truck bombers of the Middle East.

This generation is so being ideologised with the philosophy of, in my opinion, trivial labor albeit all the while passing through excruciating stress buoyed rightly or wrongly by the heady elixir of hopeful success by many prime corporate organizations. The emphasis is always on entertainment and a quick stab at fame and fortune with no active safety net for the thousand who will not make it, the thousands who will not achieve the glamour of a false lifestyle. The thousand who are dropping out of O’ Level education to attend auditions, the thousands all over the country who are terrorizing hapless hardworking citizens in their homes for their cell phones, for their laptops all in a bid to acquire trappings of a career in the entertainment industry. This generation is no longer being groomed to be custodians of instruments of purposeful governance while watching the present crop of so called legislators law makers and so called policy formulators living lives reminiscent of Cato’s famous address to the Roman Senate: “Where are the petty thieves? They are in stocks. Where are our great public thieves? They are in purple and gold.” This generation is being nurtured to be the purveyors of a culture of entertainment, thus engineers forgo calculations to pick up the microphone. Accountants, medical doctors and economists and a host of professionals are leaving nation building fields of endeavor to venture into gaiety and frivolity. Those that manage to remain end up half baked else how would one explain this comment by the Acting Registrar of the Medical &Dental Council of Nigeria (MDCN) that “New doctors in Nigeria are incompetent…” (Daily Trust Thursday, August 28, 2008) Talk about conducting a major surgery all the while nodding it out to the beat of ‘Kolomental ‘. How come we never have a mass reverse migration from the world of entertainment to the business world or the academics? Vacuous minds? Corporate organizations need to come up with something new, newer, something completely ‘out of the box’, so to say, if we are to escape this predication, it is possible not every young person wants to be a star. It is possible it is due to extenuating economic conditions the same kind that drove the previous generations abroad that is fueling this hunger. It is possible for corporate organizations to spread same focus more evenly to academics, yes even to agriculture, there is certainly dignity in labor and what better way to show it. Corporate organizations should be setting similar alternative fantastic prizes for a malaria vaccine, an AIDS cure, a prize in science and technology for an alternative to cement for instance. The possibilities for diversification with this fixation, which is in my opinion an ill wind which bodes no good, are endless! How many of these Niger Delta militants for example have been integrated into normal society courtesy of a star quest? At least we would have them just singing about blowing up pipe lines not actually doing it anymore We are already seeing the first signs of this monumental decay in values with the present crop of political leaders who are in the process of attempting to award themselves pay raises of millions of naira. These so called law makers sit back and allow a host of outrageous atrocities to afflict Nigerians who them voted in. Organizations like British America Tobacco are allowed to operate in the country despite the fact their main product causes serious health problems. An organization like MTN sometimes holds millions of Nigerians ransom for hours and sometimes days on end due to bad service( this probably would never happen in the former apartheid enclave), MTN a company from South Africa, a country which Nigeria helped liberate, MTN the company responsible for the questionably morally corrupt Big Brother show- which is at the fore front of many fame cum entertainment projects… our lawmakers have sold the conscience of our nation (for free cell phone calls ) all the while forgetting that foreign shores are no longer an option or safe haven for their children as their allow the very fabric of our nation break down. They forget that for an African home is always the last destination whether mentally or in a casket.

This has been the bane of many developing societies where the moral tone and character have been set by forces which eventually set the productive segments of their communities so indoctrinated leaving such societies hanging on the brink of anarchy. We have a choice to be more responsible or to face regret and recrimination ruing our inaction and complacency when we actually could have done something about our current messy situation, do not tell me that the Niger Delta issue sprang up overnight. If the machine gun toting youths had probably been offered the option of education their protests would have been limited to sit down strikes on oil rigs or multinational oil corporation offices causing chaos on Wall Street and stock markets with the facilities and infrastructure intact and available for another peaceful painful agitation ‘next day’, but they are polluting the very land on which the children they supposedly are fighting for will have to eke a living trying to farm cassava or some form of indigenous crop when the oil finally dries up and oh how we pray it does!. Can you then see what such corporate greed is doing –will do? No one can convince me that BAT or MTN or any of the banks or big business organizations promoting such sometimes unmoral, uncultural fests are not just conducting other aspects of stifling business veiled as poverty alleviation schemes. How for example can salsa dancing help the Nigerian economy? Or Hennessy artistry regenerate institutional corruption in the nation’s lifestyle? And on and on… Look at the carnage on our roads, innocent Nigerians are butchered on Federal highways and those that survive impact injuries bleed to death in so called emergency rooms awaiting ‘incompetent doctors’ who arrive hours later.

Personally? I say let the military, take over and let us start all over again.

Hopefully someone will listen now and save us the scenes of the convoys, the performance at National Assembly and a President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria on steroids wearing dreadlocks, basket ball, vests over baggy jeans and Timberland boots.

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About the author: Stephen Lonewolf Makama is a longtime contributor to Useless Knowledge.

Email: lonewolfmak@yahoo.com


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