No, Republicans.  I’m sorry.  No, no, no, NO.  No dice.

We the people have had enough of your best stuff.  You’ve had your shot, and you really screwed up.  Bad.  Eight long, god-awful years of your primitive president has left America in tatters, and we simply cannot allow you and your kind to finish the job you started.

No, we can’t let you stage Act II with a senile, feeble old man, and an air-headed, bona-fide wacko church lady.  The comedic value of such an unlikely pair notwithstanding, we the people feel that an extremely intelligent, cool-headed, eloquent, and reasonable man – backed by an immensely experienced mentor – is the best choice now.  In fact, it’s absolutely no contest at all.

You’re out.  See ya.  Goodbye.  It’s our turn now.

But, before you go, I personally have to speak to you about one more thing.  It’s about those nasty things you yell at McCain rallies.  Hey!  Hey now!  You know what I’m talking about.  Yeah.  THOSE things.  Things like “Kill him” or “He’s a terrorist.”

Yeah.  Those things.  Well, listen up, dimwit.  If you’re unlucky enough to ever say something like that within earshot of me, you will definitely find out why those things aren’t nice things to say in public.  You will most certainly find out why some liberals, like me, under special circumstances, don’t necessarily fit the stereotype of “peace-loving hippies.”

Oh yes, I will make you wish you hadn’t said those things.  You can count on that.

Now, please just shut your fool mouth, learn some manners from my buddy Keith, put that gun down (before I slap it out of your hand and stick it up your silly ass), and start accepting the fact that your turn at the wheel is OVER.  You had it pretty good under Bill Clinton, and you’ll still have it pretty good under Barack Obama.

Okay?  See you on November 5th.  I’ll even buy you a beer.

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