Republicans are simple people.  And that’s the problem, because the world isn’t simple anymore.  Republicans aren’t good at adapting to change, and they are irritated by the complexities of modern life.  They want to go back to simpler times, even though it cannot – and will not – ever happen.

Republicans have absolutely no idea why they are here on planet Earth, along with everybody else, yet they act like they do.  They will even wave a book in your face, as if that’s some kind of big deal, and ask you to be considerate of the delusions contained in their book.  If you aren’t considerate of their delusions, you will be resented and labeled a bad person.

Republicans are simple people.

Republicans blindly trust their leaders, even when their leaders have clearly abandoned them.  George Bush has left this country in ruins, by basically filling the pockets of his cronies with cash, and not a single middle class Republican will voice his or her outrage.  It is a testament to the brilliance of Republican brainwashing, that even after essentially being sodomized, faithful GOP members will continue espousing their simplistic mantras, even to the point of killing for them.  If elections hinged on demonstrated skills in brainwashing, the Democrats would never win anything.  If rallying liberals is like herding cats, rallying conservatives is like herding cows.

The fact is, Republicans are all about money.  Every single point of view espoused by Republicans leads directly back to the almighty dollar.  How much am I going to lose if this law passes?  How much am I going to lose if this person is elected?  Furthermore, Republicans, as a whole, favor religion, even though religion is complete poppy-cock.   Citizens brainwashed by religion are easier to control, and therefore easier to bamboozle out of their money.

The Top Five Republican issues, in order of importance, are:

1) Money

2) Money

3) God

4) Big Houses

5) Family (except for liberal family members)

Abortion is a completely religious issue, and since religion is utter delusion, the issue of abortion is founded on exactly nothing.  Listening to someone – especially a man – explain their opposition to a woman’s right to choose is like listening to a lunatic on a street corner.  Some of these lunatics firebomb health clinics and murder doctors over their hallucinations about abortion.  Demonizing abortion is yet another clever trick by Republican leaders to assert control over people’s lives, so that they can extract money more efficiently from them.

Republicans are intimidated by science, and will even make laws to restrict scientific research.  Republicans brainwash young children by teaching them religious fairy tales alongside long-established and provable scientific theories.  Republicans call this “teaching the debate.”  The reason for this brainwashing is money, because religious children grow up into religious adults, and religious adults will freely donate money to religious political institutions.  It’s a beautiful thing.

Question:  Why are you here on this planet, Mr. Republican?

Answer:  To make as much money as possible, and be a good Christian.

Republicans are simple people.

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