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By Patrick Hurley Feb. 8, 2008 Remember the creature, "The Blob?" Well, he lives in the Netherlands with random trips to Aruba where he revisits his conscience from time to time. Just when there is hope for this mass of pathological deceit to spew out an honest remark he quickly swallows it and sidles back to the swamp where he has his being. Evidently, it is not enough for Joran to keep his mouth shut and be thankful that he got away with murder. He seems compelled to flaunt his arrogance whenever his cretinous soul feels a need to laugh at the Holloway family. His latest admission was a piece of work as he spun a tale of his amorous adventure with a highly intoxicated Natalee Holloway on the sand only to suddenly find himself confronted with a vulnerable girl who was apparently not exhaling properly. What would most young men do in a situation similar to this one? They would immediately signal for help, of course. But, not the Blob. She was no longer good for kissing so he did what any animal would do, he discarded her after he was finished with her. Never mind that she might still be alive and in need of qualified emergency technicians to resuscitate her. Joran had school the next day. He had a bright future ahead of him. He had a father who was in training to be a judge. He had a mother who thought he was the perfect son. It was time for the Blob to preserve his life at the expense of a helpless young woman and pray he could get away with it. Following the, "Chappaquiddick model" of how to quickly separate oneself from a date gone wrong, Joran used the water to dispose of the body. It worked in 1969 and it worked again off the shores of Aruba. Blobs, evidently, can be cloned... As soon as he confessed his dirty deed to someone he realized to his horror that he was being taped. As fast and as frequently as a faulty prostate urinates at the thought of water, he immediately denied the truth of what he claimed happened that night and said he was just, "kidding around." Oh? So, the Blob's idea of humor is to make fun of a dead girl? What's next, for you Joran? An appearance on Comedy Central? An HBO Special? I have a better venue for you. How about an Aruban prison? There, you can joke around all you want and be the life of the shower party every time you drop your soap. Wouldn't it be poetic justice for you to experience what it feels like to be violated and treated like a piece of trash in the same way you treated a lovely girl who put herself in your protective custody only to find out much too late that you are as humanely responsible as a shark at the first scent of blood? Oh, I was, "just kidding," Joran. Ha, ha. Are you laughing? I have questions... Did you run to the boat with her body and toss her in like a garbage bag that had to be disposed of, Joran? Did you feel a great sense of relief as you dumped Natalee's body overboard and said to your friend, "Let's get the HELL out of here. I have had a terrible night! I have an English test in four hours!" Did you feel guilty when you saw her mom the next night as you snapped at her questions about what happened to her baby as you sarcastically said, "What do you want me to do about your missing daughter?" Did you feel bad that you never spent one minute searching for her along with all the volunteers? Did you feel any remorse about the lies you told implicating the two security guards allowing you to buy ten days of freedom to make up a story and cover your evidence? Does your soul ever feel bad, Joran? Do you even have a soul? OJ said, "If I Did It," it happened this way. Joran's book title will read,. "If I wasn't Kidding," this is how Natalee Holloway died that night. Too much alcohol. Too much poison. Too much fun. "Poor me, I had to wind up with a girl who 'accidentally' died in my arms." The truth? Innocent boys don't dump dying girls in the ocean. There is more to this story than Joran is telling. It is not a crime to help a drunken date survive on a beach. It is a crime if you gave your date a spiked drink or drug to put her in that position. It is a crime if you did something to cause her to stop breathing. It is a crime if you dispose of a body when they are dead or alive without notifying the police. Joran the Blob just could not keep his mouth shut and now all that slime inside of him is coming back to choke him and that future he is so interested in saving. Oozers ooze. They cannot help themselves. Most importantly, they are never interested in helping others. Natalee would be enjoying her college days at the University of Alabama had she never met Joran van der Sloot. The Blob got her. But now, even his friendly investigators and prosecutors in Aruba and the Netherlands are on to him. They have enough evidence to finally clean up the case that he soiled time and time again. Justice may finally be served here for Natalee Holloway. The Blob may finally get what he deserves. And you know what? I am not kidding. ------------ About the author: Patrick Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California. Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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