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Aug. 25, 2008 Years ago, sleazy politicians often campaigned on the slogan “A chicken in every pot”. As prosperity came to the country, the slogan was modified: “A chicken in every pot and a car in every garage.” Since the slogans with which Barak Obama began his campaign are beginning to be seen as empty rhetoric, I hereby propose for him a slogan based on his latest energy policy. (By latest, I mean the one currently in the news. By the time you read this, it may well have changed. As Jim Geraghty at National Review has written, “ALL of Obamas statements come with an expiration date”.) The proposed new slogan? “A tire gauge in every glove compartment.” Properly inflated tires, says Obama, will end the energy crunch and provide a savings in fuel cost equal to anything to be realized by new offshore drilling. (The math doesn’t work: even the most fuel-efficient cars would realize only about one mile per gallon increase – and studies show that 66% of autos in the U.S. already have properly inflated tires.) Nevertheless, it is a policy statement; a prescription for change and it fits well with some of Obama’s other extravagant schemes. Everything Obama has so far proposed involves two things: spending more of your tax dollars and increasing government interference with and control of your daily life. And since we know anyone who opposes Obama's hare-brained schemes is "racist" and "divisive" we can be certain Congress will green-light this by unanimous voice vote. So the first order of business (once the self-appointed messiah is elected, of course) will be to set up a new bureaucracy arm of the Transportation Administration: Department of Tire Gauge Distribution and Implementation. There will be controversy over this, of course. Who will be the first to get the government mandated tire gauges, the wealthy or the poor? Obviously, the wealthy drive limousines and Hummers and so guzzle more gas, but the poor are driving to and from work every day. Perhaps the wealthy will be mandated to buy their own tire gauges, thereby causing out-of-stock conditions at Auto Zone, Pep Boys and WalMart. The poor, of course, will be given government-issue tire gauges and they will have to be checked by the Bureau of Standards to ensure their accuracy. Meanwhile, those commercial units purchased by the upper class will have to meet certain standards of accuracy in order to ensure they are in compliance with government specifications. All of this, of course, at taxpayers expense. And then we get into implementation. How to ensure that people are not only using the tire gauges but are inflating their tires to the proper level? I foresee stealth checkpoints, such as those currently set up to catch drunk drivers. However, these checkpoints would be manned (or at least overseen) by federal agents from the Department of Transportation. For first offenders, I’m sure there would be only a warning, with fines reserved for repeat offenders. However, the Catch-22 is this: Any car with under-inflated tires could not be driven until the tires were properly inflated. (You can’t cite people for guzzling gas and then just let them continue to guzzle on the way home.) Since it is doubtful the tire police could carry enough portable air to assist all offenders, many people would have to walk home from the ambush site, leaving their cars parked or possibly towed to an impound yard. Then, of course, the following day they would have to take some form of public transportation to wherever their car is, pay towing or impound fees, call AAA or a private service station to come inflate their tires, pay tire inflation fees and finally get to work an hour late. Stupid? Not by half! Think of how the economy is being driven by this simple plan. You have an entirely new bureaucracy with an entirely new federal budget to purloin; the tire gauge industry is invigorated; sales of gauges to the rich improve the bottom line at WalMart and Auto Zone; the Bureau of Standards must employ more people; police departments increase hiring in order to man checkpoints and still fight crime; tow truck operators will be able to work between accidents; impound yards will see windfall profits; public transportation will put on extra buses to take people to the impound yard; and the fines from repeat offenders will help balance the budget. Of course, the tire police, tow trucks and public transportation will be using more fuel in order to do their jobs and carry out their duties, so the actual savings in fuel will be negligible – and may even go negative – but hey! It’s just like when the Man On The Moon project employed so many people from all professions and spread the wealth all across the country. Obama’s other plan is to tax Big Oil’s supposed windfall profits for enough to give everyone $500.00 to make up for higher fuel prices. Well, if you’re buying votes, $500.00 is a pretty good price. But before Obama pokes a stick into that particular eye, someone should remind him that without Big Oil there would be no oil. ------------ About the author: Erv Bobo is a free-lance author. His current books THE VELVET BRAND, THE CHEYENNE BRAND and WESTERN STAR are currently available at Lulu.com. Email: Dasher1945@aol.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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