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Sept. 17, 2007 A few months ago a caller to Rush Limbaugh’s show dropped a bombshell. Since I’ve seen no mention of it in the mainstream media, I’ll have to lay it out here in order to get it to the concerned masses who don’t happen to listen to conservative talk radio (Is that an oxymoron? Could be.) The caller was an astronomer from the Keck Observatory in Hawaii and his startling news was this: Mars is heating up at the same rate Earth is heating up. Do you have any idea what that means? (No, Herbie, it does not mean the Martians are burning fossil fuel every chance they get. Nor does it mean they are depleting their ozone by using hairspray… uh, green skin spray… with unsanctioned propellants.) What it does mean is that the biggest culprit in this whole Global Warming magilla is not us. To borrow (and bend) a phrase from President Clinton’s first campaign: “It’s the Sun, stupid!” And why not? Well, you say, Earth is in upheaval: floods, earthquakes, hurricanes, volcanoes, tsunamis – everywhere you look there’s just one disaster after another. But it has always been so and to believe otherwise, to think puny Man is capable of causing global catastrophes, is to be so egotistical… Hey, maybe our troubles are really being caused by the gravitational pull of Al Gore’s head. When did Earth become finished? When did creation stop? For to believe that man is destroying Earth, you must believe that at some point in the past Earth became satisfied with itself, quit re-forming itself, sat back and put it’s feet up on the hassock and said, “Whew! Glad that’s done. Perfect in every way.” Then, of course, Man came along with his infernal machines and started the Great Undoing. When did that happen? The beginning of the Machine Age? Or did we start ruining things prior to that, when Man was agrarian and the cattle he raised polluted the atmosphere with methane? The facts of the matter are these: Earth truly is in upheaval. It has always been in upheaval and it will be for centuries to come. There are internal forces – magma, the shifting of tectonic plates – that will not be stilled. And there are cycles. Sometimes the Earth is too hot, sometimes it is too cold and sometimes it’s just right (kind of like the Three Bears porridge.) Whether or not you believe in a Creator, you must see that Earth is still in the process of becoming. The process began when a huge mass was flung out of the sun, went into orbit and began the long process of cooling that finally enabled man to walk barefoot on it’s surface. But the internal fires still rage and that’s a good thing. Without the molten iron core – upon which continents slowly drift and which occasionally produces a Vesuvius or Krakatoa – we’d have no magnetic field surrounding Earth and cosmic radiation would have fried us long ago. So there. Given that Earth is a work in progress, what man really thinks himself qualified to say it is finished? To say we’re now destroying perfection? Oh, yeah. That one. Furthermore, when did Man reach such a state of enlightenment and perfection that he could presume to tell the world we are destroying Earth? Did evolution stop sometime around 1950? Perhaps around 1900? When? You should think about that and I’ll bet you haven’t. In the thirty years or so since the first Earth Day, have you given thought that future generations of Man may develop a third eye in order to see through smog? How about gills and fins in order to better survive melting ice caps and tsunamis? How about getting so smart that we recognize Earth goes through cycles? Of course you haven’t thought about it. It is in our nature to assume we are the pinnacle of creation, that evolution stopped with us because we needed nothing more. But maybe that’s not the truth. If Earth is still in the process of becoming, why not Man? Maybe, just maybe, Man is not as intelligent as he will someday be. Startling thought, huh? But Men of Science in our day are vastly more intelligent than those of olden days. Those Old Ones had their weather cycles, too but they just held their robes more tightly about them or turned their collars up and their backs to the wind. Today’s Men of Science are smarter: smart enough to bleed the government for money for further studies; smart enough to smile, nod and rub their greedy hands together each time Mr. Gore (and others like him) shrill their Cassandra warnings. Note this: Those government handouts are for the study of global warming, not for doing anything about it. Just study it and maybe it will go away. If not? Well, Men of Science can at least live very comfortably until the final disaster, right? Is there global warming? Of course, just as there is Martian warming. Is Man the sole culprit? Nope. Can anything be done about it? Certainly. The first thing we must do is quit pointing fingers at ourselves and at one another. All the rhetoric, all the bombast, all the production of books and movies and TV specials placing guilt here and there are counterproductive: the hot air they generate contributes to global warming. Stop it now! (And just think of all the trees sacrificed to print Al Gore’s books: trees that could better be drinking in carbon dioxide and producing oxygen.) The second thing we must do is to admit global warming is a force of nature. It’s happened before – many times in history – and now it’s happening again. And the corollary is global cooling – also a force that has occurred in the past and that will occur again. Rather than finding fault, let’s find a way to survive. Of course, there is a third thing we must do. We must get Al Gore to a headshrinker. No, not a psychiatrist, but one of those Jivaro Indians who live in dark jungles. Easing that gravitational imbalance may solve a lot of our problems as soon as next Tuesday. ------------ About the author: Erv Bobo is a novelist with delusions of being a humorist. His latest books THE CHEYENNE BRAND and WESTERN STAR are available at Lulu.com. Email: Dasher1945@aol.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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