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May 4, 2007 The best presidential candidates of 2008, Dennis Kucinich and Ralph Nader, have no chance of winning. The next best presidential candidates, Al Gore and John Edwards, are nauseatingly hypocritical. They preach about the environment but live in huge wasteful mansions. Supposedly, they trade carbon units and this somehow offsets there ethical contradiction. I really want to buy their defense, but logically, I just can't. Barrack Hussein Obama might make a good president, but he's got an uphill climb. I can imagine the attack ads republicans will run: a split screen with Obama and Osama bin Laden, and the announcer will say Obama, Osama, Obama, Osama, and then the voice talent will tell the lie in his darkest voice about how Osama, oops, I mean Obama, went to a radical Muslim terrorist grade school. Hillary Clinton's campaign is highly inappropriate. A former first lady has no business running for president. The Revolutionary War was fought to prove this country was not a monarchy. Her election would prove it is. John McCain is an out-of-touch geriatric flip-flopper, and Giuliani is a typical politician who became famous by exploiting 9-11 when he ran around looking for cameras like a chicken with its head cut off. None of these candidates have solutions to American's biggest problems, but I do. Global warming is the biggest threat to our way of life. Interestingly, solving this problem would also eliminate the threat of foreign terrorism. The government should require the installation of solar heating panels on every single house south of the Mason-Dixon line. This alone would eliminate our dependence on foreign oil. Of course, this would have to be subsidized, but if solar heating panels were produced on such a large scale, the cost would decline. Utilities and oil companies would oppose this because they would lose revenue and this is why my solution will never happen. Big oil really rules the United States. The government serves rich business criminals instead of the common interest. The most liberal of congressional proposals only aims to reduce green house emissions to 1990 levels--a pathetic gesture. They might as well do nothing. The government should also force auto-makers to build electric cars and increase mileage standards. During World War II, the government forced industry to convert to making military equipment and rations were imposed on the populace. Global warming is an even bigger crisis than World War II so surely the government has the right to execute my solutions. Furthermore, the U.S. should stop trade with China until they stop polluting the world. Again, this'll never happen--the fascist business criminals who really run this country would lose profits. But if the U.S. government took these steps, the global climate would probably stabilize, and U.S. oil companies would withdraw from the Middle East because it would no longer be profitable for them to be there. Terrorists would have no reason to retaliate for our capitalist colonialism which is what causes there hostility toward us in the first place. My solution to illegal immigration is even simpler. Let them all in--just make sure they pay social security taxes. The influx of young workers paying taxes would keep social security and medicare afloat indefinitely. My solution to North Korea's saber-rattling solves two problems as well. My strategy requires sophisticated diplomacy though, something the Bush administration is incapable of. First, we should butter-up that little dictator. Sure, he's a brutal totalitarian but that matters little to our lives. Second, we not only sign a peace treaty but we ally with him, if he agrees to inspections of his nuclear facilities. In exchange we pay him for use of his one-hundred thousand commandoes. The Romans used mercenaries and it would be a good idea for us to do the same. The U.S. military's on the verge of collapse anyway. Think of it--one-hundred thousand fresh crack troops at our disposal. Send them to Afghanistan where there'll eliminate those stupid hillbilly Taliban fighters and probably find Osama bin Laden. My solutions to our biggest problems will never be implemented unless the American people rise up and rally in the streets. Unfortunately, most Americans are fat zombies who're content even though their future's controlled by big greedy corporations and their puppet politicians. ------------ About the author Mark Gelbart: My book, Talk Radio, is a black comedy about a radio talk show host who gets kidnapped and psychologically tortured by a loser. http://www.authorsden.com/marksgelbart Email: agelbart@aol.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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