We’re all familiar with the trials and tribulations faced by battered wives.  Typically, an irascible husband, coming to a crescendo of anger or perhaps intoxicated, attacks his wife.  The attack might be minor, as a shaking by the shoulders or a gentle slap, but it might amount to a full-scale battery or even mayhem.

But relatively few people have given any consideration to the problem of battered husbands.  Now Mr. Tom Pain, the founder and director of Dallas Area Battered Husbands’ Association (DABHA), is changing this sorry scenario.

It all began one morning in 1997, according to Mr. Pain, when he was walking around his living room in one of his dismal, dreary moods, mumbling and muttering to himself about anything and everything.

His wife intruded upon his saturnine soliloquy, “For Christ’s sake, Tom, will you just chill out for once?  You drive me crazy with all your whining and pining.  Please, oh please, just shut the hell up for once.”

“You’ve got the crust to talk to me like that, when I’ve been feeding your face all these years?  I’ve got half a mind to get you down and beat your butt.”

“Oh, yeah?  You and what army?”

“What army?  I’ll show you what army,” said Pain, rushing his wife with outstretched arms, as if he’d grab her.

Bit she dodged his arms, ducking and turning, and in a moment of grace, got her right arm around his neck.  Before Pain could even count to three, he was in a headlock.  His wife was a lot stronger than he thought, and he could not extricate himself.  Instead, she danced him around the living room for five minutes, rapping his pate with the knuckles of her left hand.  Finally, when she saw that he was dazed, she tossed him headlong on the floor, prone.  A minute later, she was kneeling on his back, and pounding his backsides with one of his shoes, which happened to be near.  Then she turned him over, supine, blacked his eyes and boxed his ears.  Finally, he lost consciousness.

When Pain’s wife saw that he was unconscious, in a pang of remorse or guilt, she called the hospital.  Five minutes later, he was being wheeled on a stretcher trolley into an ambulance.

When he regained consciousness, he found a pretty young nurse at his bedside, assuring him all would be well, after he convalesced a month or two.  A psychologist came later, to see if the humiliation had harmed his self-image, explaining that he had helped several battered husbands overcome their traumatic experiences and regain a sense of masculinity.

Upon his release, Pain had to call home to see how his wife was feeling.  She accepted his apologies graciously, but added a warning, “But if you smart off again, you’re going right back to the hospital, is that clear?”

Pain’s black eyes became the laughingstock of the neighbourhood when word got out that it was his wife who administered the ocular discolorations.

Later that year, Pain founded DABHA, which now has 500 members, who provide mutual support.

One of their services is making emergency bodyguards available 24-7.  Here is Mr. Pain with Mr. Valuev (left), his chief bodyguard.  If you need protection from a wife’s wrath, just call 1-800-TOM PAIN day or night, and within 10 minutes Mr. Valuev or one of his colleagues will be at your doorstep.

DABHA also provides temporary lodging for ejected husbands, counseling,  and training in martial arts .

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