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 By Ken Hughes Mar. 15, 2007 I’ve decided why fight it any longer, I’m surrendering to the “Global Warming Nuts” [GWN] I no longer have the energy or the inclination to fight this ridiculous notion man can screw up what God spent the past several billion years creating. I still love you God even if the GWN don’t! It seems logical if you can’t fight them join them and that’s what I’ve done. Last year I went to my local Home Depot Store to get some advice on how to build an Ark like the one Noah built, if the floods are coming what better way to prepare than to have my very own Ark. Home Depot threw me out luckily there’s a Lowe’s just down the street, their much nicer people. I needed to know what a “cubits” was and how many sheets of plywood I’d need for all those cubits for my Ark. The Lows people weren’t much help fortunately there was a Fundamentalist Preacher there buying supplies for his church. After I explained my intentions he said he was familiar with the story of Noah and the Ark and he would be happy to lend all the assistance I needed. After some discussion and some calculations we loaded four Lowe’s deliver trucks with 2 x 4’s plywood and a verity of miscellaneous supplies. I gave them my maxed-out Discovery Card, the Preacher and I was off on our way to my house to begin building an Ark. The Preacher and I worked on the Ark for several weeks finally I had to ask him to leave. He kept hitting his thumb with a hammer and blaming it on Jesus. My next door neighbor Bubba Jancowskie has been on disability from the City Bus Company for a couple of years so I ask him if he would like to help out. Bubba still had is little finger in a cast but he thought he could work around it. Bubba was a God sent he could carry one of those sheets of plywood up the ladder with no sweat. Bubba and I have been making good headway. I think we’ll be ready for the June rains and Global Warming if it comes. It’s time to start collecting the critters we want to take along. Aside from family pets I’m finding the best hunting is in city zoos and on local farms. I’ve ask a Shoshone Indian friend who lives in Utah to Fed-X me some of the more exotic animals of the west such as Buffalo Antelope Moose Elk etc. Big Red is a descendent of Sacagawea’s third cousin “Had Many Men” and “Beaver Dick” one of the Teton Valley Wyoming’s more colorful Mountain Men. I chose Big Red over some of my white friends because I can trust an Indian not to kill and eat everything he comes in contact with. I intend to take a lesson from Noah and not bring all the critters on earth on the Ark. I think about half the animals on earth are a nuisance most of the time. I’m not all that fond of cats I’m not sure I’ll take any cats with us. As it is there isn’t going to be much more than standing room the way the calculations are working out. When it came to the people I would choose to go along that presented a problem. A few years ago I traded my wife for a set of tires for my 57 Ford Pickup I sold the kids on E-bay to help defray the cost of building the Ark. Several people have requested I take them along. There’s Big Bertha the cashier at Lowe’s she’s not real pretty but she is handy. There’re a couple of waitress at the local Hooters that are on the “For Sure.” list. Some of my blood kin have asked to go along, I can’t stand them for a day let alone 40 days and 40 nights so their out. I still have some time to refine things. With Gods help it’ll all work out. Disclaimer: I have no doubt some of our contributors and readers will take umbrage to this article for a number of reasons. Please folks it’s just humor enjoy it and let it stand at that. ------------ About the author: Ken Hughes is a retired businessman, who’s traveled extensively, observed much and learned much. His interests are writing and politics. Mr. Hughes is a conservative Republican who’s willing to share views from both sides of the political spectrum. At age 75 he feels he still has something to contribute. Email: ken-hughes@comcast.net Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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