HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
Mar. 10, 2007 How crumby the elevator shaft…and here I am…its too dark, don’t they have to use more light than this? Its too high up…five floors…hateful…that’s the word…hateful and where is the light? There is no light in the hearts of these men…they are hardened and like it that way…their ancestors were like that…all steel blue eyes…all too white…all used to the darkness…how hateful this place is…walking on wooden planks…in the sweat…in the dust…in garbage…its gross…its too much…and this is what people do…and this is what builds the world…a lousy world of rats…a rat in a trap…a trap for souls…don’t they use harnesses…how come they don’t use harnesses…what if I fall…at six foot two and two hundred and fifty pounds…five floors…no harness…in the dark…in the hateful baleful dark…and nobody to care…not even one of the heartless steely blue eyed ones…they have left…left me alone…to not only be here…as if that is not bad enough…but to work…and choose each tool…the right tool…and ply steel from cement…and screws…and nails…and one small trouble light…and this is the world…no wonder people suicide…no wonder they open veins on sunny Sunday mornings under clouds…hatefulness…crumbliness…I have a headache…what if I fall…this is the way of the world…this is what to be grateful for? Out there…those people are white but look dirty…they wear terrible clothes…its gray here…I’d swear it…a gray mist…all the hatefulness of the building and the people…a gray mist…nothing grows out there…trucks…these people are like animals…mongrel dogs drinking coffee and beer…laughing idiots…only idiots laugh like that…it is the laugh of an animal…what if I fall…I will surely die…nobody cares…one said I had ten wives…that is a racial slur is what that is…ten wives…as if anyone who is not their type of trash has ten wives…but he said I was unafraid to drill holes in the walls…to chip the walls…godamned right…at least he recognized that…left alone there too…in the damp…in the hatefulness…in the crumbliness of the ways of elevators. Or the campus ones…there it is…I never knew what hell was until then…nobody knows what hell is until it is lived…to crumble…to break apart…they are there…and they sky turns gray…it was sunny for a moment…it was…but that is not how it was to stay…there was no way…a claptrap…it was the worst…I am entering…how strange that hell will not kill you…how peculiarly terrible…that is the hell of it…that you are more conscious…what sins did I commit to deserve this fate…there was one particular moment when the spirit was shaking…my spirit…then I knew I was there…then I knew I had made the descent… it had been gradual…there were a hundred things…the angel…of all people…was infected with Chlamydia! I laughed at the doctor inside…when he gave his talk…that talk was not for me…but the angel…she didn’t want to hear his talk…oh an angel is not always an angel…but what did it matter…what did it matter in hell…I saw one there who had known me previously…and he thought I was not in hell…I couldn’t say so…I just said hello…from the fire…the fires of the most skewed perception imaginable…pure torture…hatefulness in the gray day…walking on bridges…walking through the paths like that…in the sports sphere…that is where I knew for some reason…that was where the moment came…after weeks and weeks of anguish…hell…its hell…that is the explanation…I almost laughed…I would have laughed if not for the fact that reality was crumbling like the crumbs of a cookie, like the crumbs of a cake…that is the true mess…that is the true fuck…to get fucked by existence that way…and for what? Had I murdered…or done anything…there would have been a penance…however unendurable…but to be thrown to the pits…and mocked by those fires…and to see others on the outside that weren’t…that was the worst…there I am…I see the cement…the day has finished…the angel is there…she is there…but it makes no difference…she is not really an angel…there was something I forgot to be paranoid about…I trusted…I should have known…crumbs…crumbs and the spirit shaking…tears…spent…the sperm is spent…she is a killer to boot…a happy faced murder…I got scraped…that is what she said…I got scraped…can you imagine…hell and the gradual way there. ------------ Email Brian Michael Barbeito: Brian1750@Hotmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
