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Mar. 9, 2007 Momma: (Rushes into the house, nearly out of breath) Sonny?! What happened? Aunt Millie called me at work and said that when she went to BK for her Whoppers, she heard you exchanging foul words with your manager and saw you leave in a huff! Sonny: (Drinking a beer on the couch in full BK regalia, with his uniform pants unbuttoned on top to air his stomach paunch) Got fired. No biggie—I have some good news for you! Momma: Sonny, why were you fired? Sonny: The manager caught me in the throws of passion with TP in the BK restroom. Momma: Who’s TP? Sonny: Well, if you’d close your yap hole for a minute, I will tell you. Momma: You know I don’t like that kind of talk in my house, Sonny. Who is TP? Sonny: Sorry, Mom. TP is my fiancé. That’s right, Momma, your Sonny’s gettin hitched! Momma: Oh, Sonny, what wonderful news! Why didn’t you bring TP around to the house before? Sonny: I did! You just weren’t around. I'm sorry for not properly introducing you to him; I just wanted to make sure that it was right, ya know? But he’s here now! I’m in love, Ma. TP is the perfect mate for me. I fell for him, hook, line, and stinker. Momma: (A little nervous, rushing to the hall mirror to check her hair to make sure that she looks presentable to meet her son’s fiancé) Oh, great! I would love to meet this person! I always hoped that you would finally learn to accept your homosexuality and love someone other than yourself. (With tears in her eyes) Thank you, Lord! Good things can happen to good people! I am now living proof of this. Sonny: First, Momma, I want to talk about the wedding. I want it to be small and intimate. I figured TP and I could have a commitment ceremony in the backyard at dusk, with white lights adorning the trees and white and purple floral arrangements gracing the tables. I will wear purple and TP will wear a white ribbon and what ever else he wants. I would love it if you would wear purple, too. Momma: (Crying with joy) That sounds wonderful! It would be my pleasure to have it here! We will have to set a date far enough in advance so I can pay for this. Speaking of which, do you think you were fired because of your manager’s intolerance to your sexual preference? Sonny: Nope. He would have fired me if I were in there with a gal, too. Company policy. No getting it on in the bathroom. Momma: We’ll find you another job, Sonny. Momma will make sure of it. Heck, if 43 places already hired and fired you, there’s got to be yet another one out there waiting for my Sonny boy. (Pauses. Then with excitement speaks) How uncanny for you to meet someone with the same initials as you, Sonny Tom P. Just think of how much easier it will be to have monogrammed gifts! (Pauses again and then anxiously speaks) So, please bring this TP person out, my dear! Sonny: Okay, let me get him. He’s in the bathroom freshening up. (Leaves the room. Momma smiles excitedly until she sees Sonny return) Here is your future son-in law, Momma: TP—The Plunger! To Be Continued ------------ About the author: The Avenger is well... The Avenger! Email: theavengerspeaks@hotmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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