Hi Folks!  Welcome to Animal Planet.  This week, we have a real treat in store for you.  At the risk of life and limb, our intrepid camera crew recently visited a very remote part of the Washington DC jungle--an area inhabited mostly by fierce tribes of warlike Repug chimpanzees.

On their way back to the studio, the team was approaching the relative safety of the Hell’s Heart district, when they were suddenly challenged by an enraged, flightless Malkin monkey!  Having no time to unpack the video gear, one quick-thinking crew member was nevertheless able to snap a couple dozen photos of this rare, dangerous primate, using a $3.00 disposable camera:

Whoa!  As you can see, this little jungle bunny was hopping mad!  Literally frozen in their tracks, our crew waited until the Malkin monkey seemed to settle down:

Subsequent analysis of this particular photo revealed the Malkin monkey to be urinating -- a common reaction when surprised.

After marking her territory, the skittish female (note the bony legs and characteristic, plaid under-crest and white plumage) began attempting to fly away, despite Evolution's failure to grant the Malkin species with anything resembling true flight:

Frustration etched in her primitive features, the Malkin monkey seemed unsure of her next move:

Thinking quickly, our crew leader decided to bait the Malkin monkey by whispering "Clinton!" several times beneath his breath, in the hopes of capturing for perhaps the very first time on film, the ghoulish Malkin monkey mating ritual. The gambit succeeded, beyond his wildest dreams:

The monkey's queer ritual ended once again with urination, this time from both hidden glands:

At this point, the Malkin monkey drew closer and attempted to mate with our lead cameraman, by offering him a crudely drawn picture:

Avoiding the reach of her jagged claws, our cameraman's maneuvering was interpreted as rejection, and the scorned Malkin monkey became enraged once again:

Wearied from her failure to fly or mate successfully, the Malkin monkey then waved its white plumage rather pathetically, and quickly ran back into the Washington DC jungle:

Make sure to tune into next week's Animal Planet, where our courageous camera crew will wrestle with a slippery member of the Great White Ape species!

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