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By Patrick Hurley July 26, 2007 Since it appears the world is going MAD, I think a little common sense is in order here. It is apparent that money, fame, legislation, religion or psychiatry does not work on crazy people or situations, so let's try another approach....SIMPLICITY! Maybe then we can help the idiots out there to come to terms with their most insurmountable problem: Themselves! Lindsay Lohan Maybe we are approaching this young lady the wrong way. Instead of locking her up, let's encourage her to really blast off! Let's give Lindsay a car, preferably a very FAST one, a kilo of cocaine, a gallon of vodka and transport her to the top of Lombard Street in San Francisco with Hillary Duff standing down below flipping her off! I give Lindsay five, maybe ten seconds tops... Michael Vick This one is easy. No jail time. No NFL. No fine. Just put him in the cage with two pit bulls and see how long it takes him to realize this is an inhumane sport. Tim Donaghy Let him keep refereeing. Yes, you read it correctly. I can assure you he will now become the most responsible official in the NBA because everyone is going to be watching his every move. He would not dare cheat at this point in his career so we should let him do the job now. It makes sense, doesn't it?  Barry Bonds Let him break Aaron's record. Big deal. He is a cheater. Everyone knows it. In five years, he is going to lose the record anyway to a guy who will do it fairly...Alex Rodriguez. After that, no one will even care about Barry and all his arrogance. I am hoping he breaks the record in Dodger Stadium and one of the fans throws the ball back and hits him in the head giving him amnesia so he never REMEMBERS that he is the home run king! Rosie O'Donnell Set her up for a date with Phil Spector at his mansion once he beats the murder rap. He'll do it again. The Immigration Problem Make Mexico our 51st State. Put a COSTCO and a McDonald's on every corner and call it Alamo. That will keep them there. You bet. The Middle East Two words. Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Then bury the rubble, smooth it over and put in Disneylamaland. It's a Small, Small World after all... Hillary and Obama If the Democrats are stupid enough to let them run on the same ticket, they deserve eight more years of a Republican in the White House. President Bush Pray that he lives long on this earth so he can suffer daily reading about his legacy over and over again. Okay, that wraps up the world's stupidity and the problems it caused for now. See how simple it is? Let's do this again six months from now. I am sure there will be enough new material to make all of us realize how lucky we are not to be rich, famous, political or addicted.... ------------ About the author: Patrick Hurley has won three Emmy awards for writing, hosting and producing television shows. He resides in Southern California. Email: coolhumor@sbcglobal.net Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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