Peter's Pretty In Pink

Articles

Peter's ReBUTTal: I Demands Top Billing

By Peter Grant
July 26, 2007

[Editor's Note: Mr. Grant gets to the bottom of things.]

Deer Editore:

Yer playin’”’ wif fire when you referenze me, Mr. I’m-a-genius-cuz-I-asstentended-Stanfred! What arrocunts! Do you relize how many payple are amassed at MY genious? You cudn’t”’” even cunt em’”’- thatz how many are amassed with my work! Simply amassed! Amassed! Im’”’’ recivin fan mail by the cyber truck loads in my in-box. Why? Cuz god o floks sea that I am there night in shrining amour! They no they can count’”’ on ole Pertinacious Petre to set the Tivo to real time and recorded the tooth! I speak the tooth and nothining butt! And payple –descent payple—unlike yer unsavory posse of pertussis penless pozers, no it be rite!

Now, I am at the precibus of my fame here and I have sum demands fer you and Matt the Maroon! I want you to erase Christine’s, Brian’s, and Thomas’s”’” name from the markie and repuss it with with my numb: Petre Grant! I want to sea my numb drippin with starz like Christina’s - and don’t’”’ be skimpy with the font size, you cheap chipoltee chalupa deuce piles! I bee sleepin with one eye opne to mayke sur it gets don write! My numb should be the biggest thing U-k haz ever sean! I get top billing or I cuntinue my holy gost cruisaide,. Comprende?, You carnel carpotunel contortionists!?\

My poliferations are pprophetic and you must preszve my pieces fer posterity. And as fer that ridickulouse law sweuite perported by Mr. Stanfred? Expect to be served up al fresco, promptly a la Petre Style-cause’”’ Im’ suing both of your deuce-makers fer not recogning my talent! I just stole yer revenge rotini and added the parmesean cheese on top, fer myslef, didn't I? Any juge & jurie will sea that you two are simply synergetic sinister sacks of suffusive succubuses who’ve ben embarasingly eclipsed by my par exclence!

You best get to work on my markie as soon as you bofth get off from yer BK double shifts. This gets compilated ASLAP or its’”’ Haloeen in July at U-k!

Forevr yers four the god o floks of U-k,

Petre Grant

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About the author: Mr. Grant's "protest" has resulted in record-level hits for Useless-Knowledge in 2007. The U-K Editors thank him -- and his "crew" -- for their continued contributions!

Email: happynotgayboy@yahoo.com

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