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July 26, 2007 Those who think there is no ingenuity left in America would be surprised. It seems that some very ingenious criminals stole a 1000 gallon pool from someone’s back yard. Not so hard, you’d say? Well, the pool was stolen while the owners lay sleeping, the pool was full of water at the time, and not a drop of water was found. I’ve heard that David Copperfield is being sought for questioning.  Queen lead guitarist Brian May is completing his doctorate in astrophysics. You have to give him credit, as it would probably be easy for him to accept an honorary degree, but he’s determined to earn it. I guess even rock stars still have dreams. Drew Carey has been picked as the new host of The Price Is Right. This is probably a good decision and definitely a better decision than Rosie. I like Drew, and think he comes across as unpretentious--which should help with the transition from the affable Bob Barker. Along with game shows, “Set For Life” must have been conceived by an accountant. It has the excitement level of watching an IRS audit. Even Jimmy Kimmel appears as if he’d rather be getting a colonoscopy. What can you say about Lindsey Lohan? How many chances is she going to get? If her excuse is true, and the coke wasn't hers, then she is a true friend. There are not a lot of people out there who will hold your cocaine for safe keeping. Her lawyer stated that she’s currently in the hospital, seeking help. I have an idea. There are doctors working for the L.A. county jail, how about she gets put in there for the help she needs? According to speculation she could get (wait for it...) 180 days for violating probation along with possession. That’s right folks, 6 whole months for 3 DUI’s and possession, and with the antics of the L.A. sheriff, more then likely she’ll be out by Tuesday. I wonder how many people now in prison for possession of coke are wondering why their lawyers couldn’t get them 6 months? The rehabilitation clinic she previously attended should probably change its name from “Promises” to “possibly”.  As one further note, Lindsay has a new movie coming out: “I Know Who Killed Me”. Might I suggest as a sequel: “I Know What Killed My Career”. Speaking of Paris, her movie is to be re-released, promising never-before-seen footage. I’m wondering just exactly what of Miss Hilton we haven’t seen. Perhaps an EEG? According to justice philosophy, there are two rules of law, "innocent until proven guilty," and Napoleonic law, which is the reverse. Innocent till proven guilty raises a whole slew of questions about the Patriot Act, which essentially states that you can be arrested, thrown in jail, and then held for an indeterminate amount of time--until you are actually told what you’ve been charged with. This little blurb isn’t about that particular aspect, however; it's about Michael Vick and, of course, the media. It would appear that our dispassionate media has tried, convicted, and sentenced Vick for his alleged involvement in a dog fighting ring. Admittedly, his excuse is weaker then hospital coffee, but I think we should wait until the trial before we convict Michael. If he is found guilty, I, of course, have a suggestion for the sentencing. Live from Norfolk Virginia, on ESPN: the running of the pit bulls. This, of course, will be a pay-per-view event, with those found guilty wearing roast beef underwear. The place I work has a meeting room that has been designated as a mothering room. This room is for new mothers that are returning to work, to allow them privacy in pumping breast milk for their infants. I like the concept; however, it does make it difficult to pay attention to a Power-Point presentation. ------------ About the author: Tracey Stevens is a longtime contributor of Useless-Knowledge. Email: phoque62@hotmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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