HOME | POLITICS | SPORTS | LIFE | SCI/TECH | OPEDS | HELPFUL TIPS
|
July 19, 2007 I decided a few months ago to take some time off and focus on some other issues. During the time I attended and successfully passed my test in front of the grand master for my Shao Lin Kung Fu advancement. Quite frankly, I was as nervous as a White House aide. I mean this was the guy that brought the art over from China and here I was (along with many other students) in front of him attempting to show him that we knew what we were doing. I’d spent hours practicing the short and long forms, the weapons, the sparing techniques along with the hours spent in class refining every little movement. I was called up, respectfully bowed to the Grand Master and the panel, given my instructions and went through the forms, sparred a couple of people and it was over. I was somewhat disappointed at the seeming ease of the test. I truly love the style and would love to continue; however, my wife accepted a new position in northern Idaho, and in the next few weeks we will be moving. And wouldn’t you know it, no one teaches that style in that area. The justice system is more tied up then Paris Hilton on a first date, and here is the reason why: IDIOTS. Some of you may be aware of the continuing lawsuit involving a judge (that’s right, a judge who should know better) and a dry cleaners. The dry cleaners lost a pair of the judges’ pants. Sometimes these things happen, you say, so simply buy the judge a new pair of pants--case closed. That would be the common sense approach; however, the judge decided to sue for 54 million dollars. That’s right, 54 million dollars for a pair of trousers. What is with these pants? Is there a wish-granting genie attached to the zipper? According to the judge, a sign in the window claims “satisfaction guaranteed” and the judge believes that this should be taken literally. I suppose that 54 million dollars will satisfy the judge. If that’s the case, I would be satisfied to see this bonehead representative of the legal system flown to Pamplona for the annual running of the bulls. After first being sprayed with cow pheromones, and his legs being put in casts. Of course a few weeks ago, the news media was in a feeding frenzy with the Paris jail saga. Poor Paris was depressed that she was actually being locked up for violating her probation, so the good Sheriff of Rottingham (Beverley Hills) decided that house arrest would satisfy the legal requirements. Oh yeah, being confined to a 10,000 square foot mansion, complete with a swimming pool, and hot and cold running servants to fulfill your every request--is certainly punishment. I’m certain defense attorneys everywhere are kicking themselves for not playing the “my client is depressed. Can he go home?” card. Why is it that you never hear about celebrities doing some serious time? Normal people can be pulled over, the cop finds one empty beer can in the vehicle, and the person in question ends up in jail for the weekend. Meanwhile, some Hollywood actor/actress can get pulled over driving 110 through a school zone, 4 naked, underage hookers in the back seat, a kilo of blow in the glove compartment, while roasting an endangered species on the engine block, and they get sent to counseling. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. President Bush’s strategy in Iraq reminds me of one of the last scenes in the first Star Wars film. Most of us recall the x-wing fighter pilot, flying down the trench, “stay on target, stay on target...” BOOM. As a further note, the war in Iraq is costing us 2 billion dollars per week, which we are not paying for at this moment. Think of it as a credit card purchase. When the cost of the war is put in that perspective, how many people now believe that Bush lowered our taxes? The bills will eventually come in, and then they will have to be paid. From the "Stop me before I talk again" department, Nietzsche said “Sometimes when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back." To which Jessica Simpson would add "And the abyss exclaims 'you’re so pretty.' It seems that Jessica now accepts the fact that she is a pretty woman and there is nothing she can do about it.  What enlightenment! ------------ About the author: Tracey Stevens is a longtime contributor to Useless-Knowledge. Email: phoque62@hotmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
||||||
|
|
|||||||
|
