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Jan. 18, 2007 In June 1995, the Senate approved SB-213A. It received little attention, though it effects all of us to some degree. Several U.S. Senators—some suspect of imbibing beforehand—pushed through legislation that requires all fifty U.S. states to alter their mottoes by 2010. The new mottoes had to be submitted as of yesterday. Using the Freedom of Information Act, I was able to secure a list of the States and their old mottoes, and the new ones (which appear in quotation marks). By the way, Thanks, Teddy K. Alabama: Audemus jura nostra defendere (We dare defend our rights), “Lighten up, brothas…it happened a long time ago, okay?” Alaska: North to the Future, “Cheap Mexican Labor? Not Here!” Arizona: Ditat Deus (God enriches), “Come and lust for our beautiful suntanned babes.” Arkansas: Regnat populus (The people rule), “Still behind the times, but trying, y’all.” California: Eureka (I have found it), “Eureka! Her breasts are REAL!” San Francisco only: “Eureka! His breasts are REAL!” Colorado: Nil sine Numine (Nothing without Providence), “Providence Gave me an STD.” Connecticut: Qui transtulit sustinet (He who transplanted still sustains), “Our old motto never made any sense.” Delaware: Liberty and independence, “Liberty and idle time.” Florida: In God We Trust. “In God we trust. In hanging chads, not.” And “Huelo a ancianos” (“I Smell Old People.”) Georgia: Wisdom, justice, and moderation, “Wisdom, justice, moderation And plenty of moonshine.” Hawaii: Ua Mau Ke Ea O Ka Aina I ka Pono (The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness), “Kaua he ka nani wahine ho’okamakama I ao.” (“We have the finest hoes on earth.”) Idaho: Esto perpetua (It is forever), “Forever potatoes!” Illinois: State sovereignty, national union, “Da Bears, Da Bulls, Da Sox, Da Cubs, Da ‘Hawks” Indiana: The Crossroads of America, “The Burning Cross of America” Iowa: Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain, “Big, burley cornfed girls... and cattle.” Kansas: Ad astra per aspera (To the stars through difficulties). “Our state is flat, and so are the asses of our women.” Kentucky: United we stand, divided we fall, “Booze, Race Hosses and Bluegrass…It can’t get any better than this.” Louisiana: Union, justice, and confidence, “No longer embarrassed by David Duke.” Maine: Dirigo (I lead), “Don’t worry, we have no such town called ‘Castle Rock.’” Maryland: Fatti maschii, parole femine (Manly deeds, womanly words), “Manly women and womanly men doing ill deeds.” Massachusetts: Ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem (By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty), “Try our delicious baked beans or clam chowder!” Michigan: Si quaeris peninsulam amoenam circumspice (If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look around you), “If you seek an easy piece of ass, try Flint or Detroit.” Minnesota: L'Étoile du Nord (The North Star), “In the winter our state is all white…literally.” Mississippi: Virtute et armis (By valor and arms), “Gators, Rebels, trailer parks and Inoperative cars.” Missouri: Salus populi suprema lex esto (The welfare of the people shall be the supreme law), “Show me…your t---s.” Montana: Oro y plata (Gold and silver), Oro y plata finito (“No more gold and silver”) Nebraska: Equality before the law, “Corn, not porn.” Nevada: All for Our Country, “Nevada, the new home of organized crime.” New Hampshire: Live free or die, “Live Cheap and Die Slowly.” New Jersey: Liberty and prosperity, “Liberty, puberty, poverty” New Mexico: Crescit eundo (It grows as it goes), “Our state’s name is literal.” New York: Excelsior (Ever upward), “Don’t Look At Me, Yous!” North Carolina: Esse quam videri (To be rather than to seem), “Children should be seen and not heard” North Dakota: Liberty and union, now and forever: one and inseparable, “Where Are All the Brothas At?” Ohio: With God all things are possible, “Cheap beer, tornadoes and the last place Browns” Oklahoma: Labor omnia vincit (Labor conquers all things), “The state most people know nothing about.” Oregon: Alis volat Propriis (She flies with her own wings, “She flies with her own wings because she’s high on that good ol’ Oregon weed.” Pennsylvania: Virtue, liberty, and independence, “We boo Santa Claus; We cheer Rocky.” Rhode Island: Hope, “Hope…your visit is a short one.” South Carolina: Animis opibusque parati (Prepared in mind and resources) and Dum spiro spero (While I breathe, I hope), “Marching boldly into the nineteenth century!” South Dakota: Under God the people rule, “Under the influence of alcohol, People Rule.” Tennessee: Agriculture and Commerce, “No, the cartoon penguin did not come from this state. Think--he’s a cartoon and a penguin!” Texas: Friendship, “Friendship…$20 a pop. ‘Greek’ is extra.” Utah: Industry, “Everything here is salty--even the women.” Vermont: Vermont, Freedom and Unity, “Unlimited sodomy” Virginia: Sic semper tyrannis (Thus always to tyrants), “No girl over the age of twelve takes the first two syllables of our state name seriously” Washington: Al-Ki (Indian word meaning “by and by”), “Alkies.” West Virginia: Montani semper liberi (Mountaineers are always free), “‘Mountaineer’: A fancy name for ‘hillbilly.’” Wisconsin: Forward, “Apples, Cheese, Cheep Beer and Indigestion.” Wyoming: Equal Rights, “Nowhere to go, nothing to do.” ------------ About the author: Timothy N. Stelly, Sr. is a 46-year old poet, novelist and aspiring screenwriter who resides in northern California with his three youngest children--Lawrence, Kimberly and Dante. He is a member of various writer's groups and has three novels in print, his most recent, "Like A Straight-Up Sucka," is available at www.lulu.com. website: http://stellbreadO@tripod.com Email: stellbread@yahoo.com Tell a friend about this site! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com and are not allowed to be posted on other websites. ARTICLE THIEVES WILL BE PROSECUTED! |
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