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Feb. 26, 2007 Momma: Sonny? Sonny? Sonny, for the love of God where are you?! Would ya answer please?! Sonny: Busy! In the basement. Momma: Sonny, I need help with the grocery bags. My back is killing me. Sonny: Can’t. My back hurts, too. Momma: Come now, Sonny, it’s late and I’m beat. Sonny: Oh, is your pain supposed to be more important than my pain? Is that it? Am I supposed to put aside my aches for your pains simply because you ask me to do so? Momma: Please, Sonny Boy, I worked two shifts today. I went shopping after my second shift to buy you the Ben Gay and jelly tarts you asked me to pick up. I, (pauses and takes a deep breath then loudly exhales) need help! Sonny: And I don’t need help? Is what I need not as important as what you need? Because you work, I should put your needs above my own needs? Am I understanding you correctly here? Is that what you are trying to say to me? Momma: Dear God, why me? Why did I get stuck with a bum of a son? Granted he is my cross to bear but for how much longer? (Momma sighs and sits on the kitchen chair.) When are you going to take me away from this living hell, Lord? Sonny: So I am a bum because I do not work? Is that what you are implying? That only people who earn a paycheck are acceptable to you? Would you be happier if I just jumped off of a bridge? Momma: For Christ’s sake, Sonny, I would be a lot happier if you got off your duff and helped me with the groceries! I would be a lot happier if you held down a job! I would be a lot happier if I did not have to work two jobs to pay YOUR debts, YOUR living expenses, YOUR phone sex tabs, and YOUR internet cable bills! Sonny: So you are saying that my purpose in life should be to make your happiness my first priority? Is that what you are saying? Momma: YES! YES! YES! If that’s what you want to hear then I will say it! Yes, put my happiness first, if that will be reason enough to get you out of your purple thong and into a BK uniform! Sonny: Oh, so let me see if I understand this correctly now: you want me to put your happiness above all else? How would I have any proof of what your happiness is? How could I be certain that you would not be faking your happiness, just to prove a point? How would I know for sure? Exactly what is happiness to you and how could you ever possibly make me understand it in total? Don’t you see how your argument is flawed in lies and deceit? Momma: (Shakes her head, then looks up and extends her arms to the ceiling) You got me, good lord, ya got me good. There’s no escape from this. This is what I get for sleeping with that cheap whiner Lenny Lipshitz in ’57. Sonny: Mom, where’s my Ben Gay rub? To Be Continued ------------ About the author: The Avenger is well... The Avenger! Email: theavengerspeaks@hotmail.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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