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Feb. 22, 2007 I have a facial pain problem. At one point my doctors told me 'rational suicide'" would be acceptable in my case. My pain was at the very far end of the pain spectrum but the disease I have, trigeminal neuralgia, can be an emotion, mind, and soul killer. I belong to an online support group. I have visited many guestbooks and posting sites for this disorder as well as for other problems, both mental and physical. On all sites, people frequently write in their posts that they are 'feeling sorry for themselves' Invariably, that is immediately followed by an apology. "I'm sorry." they write. "I know I should not be feeling that way." This was something I often said and felt myself. But why not? And who hasn't? Even if they are not suffering from what has been called "the worst pain known to man" and the "suicide disease" everyone deserves a time and place to allow some self-pity. For what is self-pity? Ache, compassion, mercy and charity are a few of the synonyms. My favorite is "brotherly love." You look at a homeless person. You hear about someone struggling as they carry a heavy load; maybe a betrayal, a recent loss, a serious disease, "Oh my, Isn't that sad?" you say, often without even thinking. So it's okay to feel sorrow for someone else. For their loss, their pain. No one ever says "Stop feeling that way for that person. It's just so indulgent and wasteful of you." If they did, the response back would most probably be along the line of "Don't you have any feelings?" But you sit on the couch and your pain, of whatever form and manner, has eaten away at you; at your resolve to fight. You work so hard to keep it together but ultimately, for almost everyone, at one time or another, strength falters. Maybe you have tears in your eyes or leave the lights off. .And then your sister or mother or lover comes along. They see the slump in your posture. Maybe they are sensitive enough to hear the slight catch in your voice that you fight hard to hide. "Oh." They say, if you're going through is a long term problem. "What's the matter (and often add the word now.)." If it's a new problem, maybe even a fleeting one, they might be a little nicer. Until you answer. "I'm feeling really bad. I don't know what to do about it." "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Enough self-pity already." you may get in reply. Well I say good for you. If its true that 'you can't love someone else until you love yourself' then why isn't also true that you can't have empathy for another until you can feel it for yourself.? Of course you can't stay with the feeling. Ultimately, and usually the sooner the better, you have to take action. Find a doctor, start the therapy, make a decision, quit your job. Feeling follows action and making a choice, any choice, often lightens the sense of failure, hurt, pain. But it's okay to give yourself time to 'indulge' in those feelings; to allow yourself to feel the same compassion you feel for someone else, even a stranger in the street.. Self-pity? No. I think it can just as easily be called self-love. ------------ About the author: Ms. Levy is the author of A PAINED LIFE, a chronic pain journey. An excerpt can be found here. Email: leejcaroll@aol.com Comment on this article here! ------------ All articles are EXCLUSIVE to Useless-Knowledge.com. Please link to this article rather than copying and pasting it onto your site (which would be unauthorized and illegal). |
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